Many of you have asked about my outlook on Luke’s seizure diagnosis last Fall. I say Baby Bear is in good hands, seizures or not. Read on!
QUESTION:
“How are you doing, Mama Bear?”
ANSWER:
“Actually pretty good, all things considered.”
There are several details I have not yet shared with you, in fact. Open your mind, and let’s go!
detail #1
I had the oddest experience the day of Luke’s initial seizure. I laid down on my own bed to rest during Luke’s afternoon nap. Suddenly I had the detailed sensation of laying down on the spare bed in my grandparents’ old house.
I could “see” and “hear” and “feel” everything in vivid detail. Every nuance was exactly like that room from my childhood, except that I have not consciously thought about it in decades.
Eyes closed = old bedroom where I slept whenever I spent extended time with my grandparents (circa 1975). Eyes open = my own bedroom (2019). Hard to believe, I know.
Was I hallucinating? Dreaming? I wondered the same thing, to be honest. I even stood up next to my own bed for a few minutes to clear my thoughts before laying back down.
Surely this was all too weird to actually be happening. RIGHT?!? Nope – everything from my childhood was still there when I closed my eyes.
I finally just accepted whatever this experience was and let myself enjoy it. The sensation lasted another five to ten minutes before it faded away, gone completely. Now if I close my eyes and try to “see” the same images, everything is just blurry and distant.
Two key points to realize here.
(1) I adored my grandparents and always associated their home with love and security. That house in particular was the location of many of my dearest memories.
(2) I was not drinking in the middle of the day.
I got up from my rest at the end of Luke’s nap feeling inexplicably peaceful and grounded. Good thing, because Luke had his first seizure later the same day. I had no clue I would later need that supernatural emotional foundation.
detail #2
Hannah got home from college for her Fall Break a few hours before Luke’s first seizure. As a result, Allan and I missed our usual Saturday 5:30pm worship service at our church.
If our Saturday schedule had been per usual, Luke would have had his initial seizure in the church’s childcare room with a less familiar adult.
Instead, Luke was face-to-face with Allan playing with toys on the rug in our family room at home. Allan was able to recognize the trouble immediately and call 911. Baby Bear was in Allan’s good hands.
detail #3
Let me tell you about Tony.
Tony was the EMT who cared for Luke in the back of the ambulance on the way to the emergency room. He has a young son with epilepsy and was able to reassure Allan father-to-father en route. Thanks to Tony, my husband was relatively calm when I arrived at the hospital moments later. As a result, Allan was better able to support his emotionally-charged wife. Baby Bear was in Tony’s good hands.
detail #4
I felt overwhelmed in the hospital around the issue of my job. How would I ever feel comfortable leaving Luke with a caregiver on the days I work outside our home?
Unbeknownst to me, Luke’s already awesome two-day/week sitter actually went through this experience with HER son at the same age. Her son is older now and successfully seizure-free.
Luke’s sitter was a supportive resource to me in the hospital. Trust me. I had all the questions and all the big emotions. Even more impressive, she and her husband were already very comfortable with Diastat (Luke’s emergency seizure medication).
Seriously – I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect solution outside of winning the lottery and quitting my job completely. Baby Bear is in his sitter’s good hands.
detail #5
Our tribe held me up. I receive strength from heart-felt words. It was incredibly helpful to me to hear encouragement from our friends, family and co-workers. Every loving word spoken to me added to my defenses whenever fear tried to get a foothold.
I was especially blessed by those who vulnerably shared their own stories about seizures. Thank you for allowing me to ask questions and process hard feelings.
pulling it all together
God sure sent the right help at the right time – even before I knew I had reason to need it. That has been His modus operandi my entire life. It’s who He is.
My heart recharged on Saturday afternoon so I could handle the upheaval that began Saturday evening. Thank you, Yahweh Shalom (“The Lord Is Peace”).
Parents already managing their child’s seizures crossed our path to act as guides. Luke’s godparents waited with us in the emergency department, serving as comfort and support. Logistically speaking, they also drove Hannah home from the hospital late at night. Thank you, Yahweh Yireh (“The Lord Will Provide”)
Our friends and family tenderly love Luke (and us). They lent encouragement through texts, private messages and uplifting Facebook comments. My favorites? Anything that made me laugh. Anyone who personally knows me understands that humor is one of my love languages. My Father knows that little detail about me, you see. Thank you, Abba (“Papa”).
Anonymous folks simply prayed for our family without any acknowledgement at all. They may have been hidden from us, but we were not invisible to them. Thank you, El Roi (“The God Who Sees”).
God certainly left His fingerprints all over this chapter of Luke’s story – just like the chapters that preceded it and no doubt the chapters to come.
So, to answer the initial question, Mama Bear is feeling victorious no matter what the future holds. Above all, Baby Bear is in Good Hands.
Adapted from 10/8/19 Facebook post. Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay.
