parenting

My sincerest apologies to Victoria and her secret.

by Melissa Holderby on Feb 16, 2020 category parenting

Never mind J.Lo and Shakira. Instead, I’d like to extend my sincerest apologies to Victoria and her secret. Well before the recent division over the Superbowl LIV half time show lashed out online, I penned some words to Victoria. Woman to woman.

Victoria’s sleek catalog had come addressed to me in our mailbox that bitter cold day. She did not even make it into my house. She landed immediately in the recycling bin in a rather undignified manner between the plastic bottles and a discarded pizza box. I know that was not hospitable of me towards her. It was freezing in the garage, and she was barely covered. I hope she didn’t take it personally. It was just a business decision.

Why such inhospitable treatment, you ask? Two reasons really.

my son

The first reason was my (almost at that time) thirteen year old son. My business was (still is) to teach him to treat women as his equal and with respect. Then and now, I want him to fall in love with a girl for her wisdom, her faith and her kindness. Not her boobies.

Don’t get me wrong. My son’s physical attraction to his future wife’s body is a-okay with me. I’m just saying the sexy part shouldn’t be the glue holding the relationship together. As an almost fifty year old woman, I know all too well that hips widen, bellies pooch and breasts head south. Sometimes WAY south! Unless you are J.Lo and are blessed by freakishly good genes and work your biscuits off to stay in top shape. I mean, seriously. She’s IS physically gorgeous and I admire her dedication. But, let’s carry on, shall we?

my daughter

The second reason that catalog landed in the recycling bin that day was my (almost at that time) sixteen year old daughter. My business was (still is) to teach her to feel beautiful because she is treasured by God and has infinite worth in His kingdom. Too many times in her life she will have to stand against the lies that she is too (insert your own personal adjective here) – short/tall, heavy/thin, brunette/blonde, light/dark. Then and now, I want her to stand confident that, body and soul, she is marvelously made! Strong. Smart. Brave. Kind. An incredibly capable woman with strong opinions and freckles.

Again, please don’t misunderstand me. I am all for a woman feeling confident about her body and wearing sexy underwear if that is what pleases HER. I’m just suggesting that a woman’s sex appeal is not the aspect that makes her beautiful, worthy or valuable. And a man who knows that and treats her as such is a keeper.

So, again, my sincerest apologies to Victoria and her secret. She was not (and still isn’t) welcome to enter. Her value system as an advertiser and my value system as a momma were at odds. I’m guessing they still are.

P.S. Also apologies to Victoria for the stale milk smell at the bottom of our recycling bin. I have been unsuccessful so far in teaching the other people in our house to rinse containers before recycling them. One lesson at a time.

Adapted from original 1/21/15 Facebook post. Image by jacqueline macou from Pixabay.

A trip to the grocery store turns threatening.

by Melissa Holderby on Jan 12, 2020 category parenting, Uncategorized

Let me tell you a crazy story that happened recently. It is about the day a trip to the grocery store turned threatening for me and my toddler. I won’t soon forget the experience. It can be summed up by three distinct voices and one dangerous ride.

the first voice

It was a mistake you were chosen to be Luke’s mom! You don’t deserve to be anyone’s mother!

You are a disgrace. Look at you! You’re worthless.

How could you let this happen?!! You are a BAD MOM!

At least those were the words the accusing voice screamed at me in front of the grocery store. I was shaking and embarrassed with stinging tears of shame in my eyes.

the second voice

A second voice was there, too. It belonged to a stranger with a kind face. Her voice was softer and more gentle. You are okay. He is okay. This has happened to me before, too. I was grateful even if I didn’t believe her.

Here’s what had happened just moments before.

Luke and I were making a quick trip to the grocery store. As per the usual routine, he was securely strapped into the seat of a metal shopping cart, ready to head into the grocery store with me. I stopped to look at some autumn mum plants for purchase outside. My hand and eyes left the cart for ten seconds. That’s when our trip to the grocery store turned threatening.

the dangerous ride

I heard a woman’s voice that sounded alarmed and scared. Apparently when my attention was diverted to the mums, the shopping cart with my son attached rolled forward, then down the slope and into the crowded parking lot. I turned around just in time to see the woman catch the cart with Luke in the traffic lane.

No cars were coming in either direction. Tragedy was averted.

Immediately the first voice harshly screamed at me (in my head). Condemnation swelled up in me like hot acid in the back of my throat. Even after the woman with the kind face spoke gracious words to me, I was still horrified.

I stayed outside to collect myself before Luke and I entered the store. I was rattled for sure. My thoughts were swirling like angry hornets in my head.

Mistake. Unworthy. Disgrace.

the third voice

A third voice showed up. This one was also in my head. In other words, not an audible voice like the woman who caught the cart. It was more like an arrow suddenly cutting through the swarm of hornets and landing squarely in my heart.

Bullseye!

I chose you to be Luke’s mother five years before he was even born, and I don’t make mistakes.

I see you striving to be deserving of the gift. You don’t have to be Luke’s savior, because I am Luke’s Savior. Remember that I am your Savior, too. You are worthy because I say you are worthy.

Keep doing the best you can at any given moment and then trust Me to stand in the gap. You are a good mom. You are My beloved daughter. Grace has you covered. Stick with Me. I’ve got this.

in the end

As a result, I left the grocery store feeling better than when I entered. Luke seemed completely unimpressed by the whole near-accident. He was still my sweet, goofy boy with bare feet and peanut butter in his hair.

That night I tucked Luke into bed. We brushed his teeth. I read Goodnight, Moon. I kissed him on the cheek, telling him how much we treasure him. Most importantly, I told him about the voice that belongs to the King of All Creation.

Sleep tight, Baby Bear. Listen to His voice. He loves you beyond measure.

Adapted from 9/16/19 Facebook post. Image by Michael Gaida from Pixabay.