In my defense, I had no idea it was MY wedding banquet. I was in the middle of a camping retreat with 200 other women that weekend. No toilets. No showers. I had peed and pooped in the woods. And that is no joke. For sure I needed some refreshing soap and shampoo. Regardless, there I sat – covered in mud at my own wedding banquet.
How was that even possible, you may be wondering? Well, there was a “feast” on the retreat agenda for dinner that evening. So, I showed up with my muddy clothes and unwashed face expecting a lukewarm hot dog and a bag of chips. Let’s be clear. I would have been extremely grateful for that, too, after sleeping on the hard ground and surviving on a granola bar so far that day. I was tired and sore.
more than a hot dog
The feast caught me completely off guard when I arrived for dinner. The giant white tent was gorgeous with long banquet tables, twinkling lights and crisp fabric table cloths and napkins. Much to my delighted amazement, there were hand-rolled beeswax candles, fragrant cedar planks and lovely calligraphy place cards with every individual woman’s name. Greenery and flowers from the forest adorned every table. A glass jar of homemade honey butter graced every spot. There were bottomless bottles of wine and endless platters of real food – whole roasted chickens, potatoes, vegetables, loaves of fresh bread, individual cakes with fruit compote. Even better, our meal was served to us family style so we could pass to our neighbors and take as much as we wanted. EVERYONE had a personal place at the feast.
dirty inside and out
What happened in my heart shocked me even more than this luxurious banquet in the middle of the woods. I was just hoping for a tepid hot dog, remember?
First, the unexpected beauty of it all surprised me. Wow! The obvious love and dedication that went into planning and executing such a feast!
And then suddenly I felt out of place. “I don’t belong here”, I thought. The table was clearly set for a guest of honor, a bride. I was filthy. I sat covered in literal mud at my own wedding banquet.
Then I felt even more self-conscious of the dirt I perceived within me. I was not worthy of this extravagance. You see, I have made some mistakes in my life. Some of those mistakes cost just me, and some of those mistakes cost other people. Similarly, I have also withheld full forgiveness from folks who have hurt me. My eyes started to spill over, and I thought, “I am not worthy to sit at Your table, Lord. Other women may deserve to be Your guest here, but not me.”
I know you and I love you anyway.
God answered me in the most loving and tender way. “Oh, my daughter. Hear Me on this. You are worthy because My Son has made you worthy. He set your place at My table over 2,000 years ago. I love you beyond measure. Nothing surprises Me, including the darkened corners of your heart that you try to mask in shadow. Your debt has been paid in full. You are Mine, and I am yours. This feast is just a peek at eternity with Me.”
So, I took another look around. And this time my eyes saw differently. I saw women laughing, feasting and pouring wine for one another. Women of different ages and different skin colors. Women of varying sizes and shapes. We all had a place at our Father’s extravagant table. We were all brides that day. Brides sitting covered in mud at our own wedding banquet. Treasured. Forgiven. Beautiful.
your place at the banquet table
There is a place set at this abundant feast for YOU as well. You have a standing invitation, and you can come “as you are” – tired, sore, broken, literally muddy, figuratively dirty, and all. Jesus already paid your bill, so you owe nothing for the extravagance. You just need to show up, take your seat, and receive it. Drink in the spiritual joy of it. There is always room at His table for you. No matter what.
Interested but not sure where to start? Well, when I accepted the invitation, I said something similar to this:
“God, I need You in my life. I have tried doing things my own way and have messed up. I cannot have my best life without You. I want to turn away from my sin and turn to You instead. Jesus, I want You to be in my life as my hope and my savior. Please fill me with Your Spirit. Thank You for loving me. Amen.”
Those aren’t magical words that suddenly make our problems go away, nor some kind of empty ritual to mindlessly recite to get on God’s “good side”. (Hint: He already likes you.) Neither are they something I offer to you lightly. That prayer is just one example of words you might choose to say to God to get you (re)started in a personal relationship with Him. He’s not concerned about your word choice, grammar or ease of speaking. He just wants you at His table. He loves you – muddy mess and all.
Need more? Want next steps? Confidentially contact us HERE. We’d love to pray with you.
