Friends, I have MISSED you! I won’t go into all the details about where I’ve been or why I haven’t written to you in a few months. Suffice it to say that several life stressors reached up all at one time and sucked me into a sinkhole of other pressing responsibilities. Or in other words, day-to-day life kicked me in the teeth, and I have been tired. Too weary to write for certain. I think I have come up for a quick gulp of air, though, and I want to share something with you. Something that God has been pressing into my heart over the past few weeks – Do I really, truly believe in Jesus’ resurrection? Like honestly believe it?
Golgotha and the fanciest of carrots.
That’s certainly a loaded question to ponder, isn’t it? Especially during the holiest week of the Christian calendar that culminates in Easter, aka “Resurrection Sunday”. Like many of you who follow the same traditions this week, I dyed the hard boiled eggs, bought the milk chocolate bunnies and made plans to attend church in person for the first time since pandemic shutdown in March 2020. I have given pause this week to consider historical locations in and around Jerusalem like the Upper Room, the Garden of Gethsemane, and Golgotha. I’ve thought about names like Peter, Judas, Pontius Pilate, and Mary Magdalene.
Oh, but I didn’t stop there. Heck, I even made arrangement for my immediate family of five to enjoy lamb chops, roasted potatoes and fancy carrots for Easter dinner. And yes, they are fancy carrots because they are tri-colored and organic. (Typically my kids are used to single-hued orange carrots with pesticide residue, thank you very much. But this is EASTER DINNER for Pete’s sake, so I splurged on the most special of carrots.) Oh, and I almost forgot. Lemon meringue pie for dessert. Not homemade pie. Out of a box pie. Because I’m not super woman and I’m tired, remember?
Anyway, amidst all of my Easter-y doings, God put a big question on my little heart. Not once, but three times.
The big question.
Do I really, truly believe in Jesus’ resurrection?
Wait…..what???
Of course I believe in Jesus’ resurrection! I actually really enjoy Easter. I mean, I’ve got the pastel decorated eggs, and the chocolate rabbits. We have the fanciest of carrots for dinner, Lord. And we have pie! Of course I really and truly believe!
Do I really and truly believe in Jesus’ resurrection?
Um…. like as an actual historical event? Is that what you mean, Lord? Yes, yes I do. And not just because I got spoon fed the story as a child either. I’ve given this some serious adult contemplation over the decades. Thoughtfully considered multiple sides of the debate. I’ve read investigative journalist Lee Strobel’s book, The Case for Christ. (Okay, I watched the movie, but it made me WANT to read the book.) Jesus’ resurrection is the cornerstone of my entire faith. My ultimate reason for hope and joy and peace in this crazy world. So, yes, I really and truly believe.
Then He planted the same question with a slight twist.
Do I actively live my life really and truly believing in Jesus’ resurrection?
Boom! There it was. THAT deserved some pondering on my part. I mean, I publicly profess to believe it. Do I privately live like I believe it? In other words, do I conduct myself as if I believe that the same holy power that raised Jesus from the dead is alive and working in the world today? Or more specifically, alive and working in my own little blip of a life?
My final answer.
Well, let’s examine that together for a moment, shall we?
I said earlier in this post that I’ve been weary. Tired. Spent. Part of that stems from a recent uptick in medical and therapy appointments for my youngest son, Luke, as he prepares to turn three years old in a few months. Between the processes of leaving Early Intervention services, starting public preschool services with an IEP, prepping for a dual outpatient surgery, and coordinating his ongoing care between multiple departments at our fabulous children’s hospital, WHEW! It’s like a second full time job.
And some days it is an uphill climb for me emotionally and mentally. Why? Because if I am being completely honest with myself (and you), I feel driven to stay hyper-vigilant about Luke’s cerebral palsy and his rehab 24/7. In my mind, if I don’t immediately make the appointments, do all the therapeutic activities and constantly stay on top of the insurance benefits and pending grants, then my little boy will somehow lose and cerebral palsy will win.
Huh. It is strange to even put that into words. But there it is, in Arial font, for all the world to see and judge. I never fully exhale at the end of the day, because I am not living like I really and truly believe in Jesus’ resurrection. I mean, it’s all right there in the Easter story that I’ve heard and read to my own babies countless times. Death did not win. The darkness did not win. And I have to really and truly believe that cerebral palsy will not win in the end either.
Where do we go from here?
So, what does that mean for me? For us? It means that we are invited to receive the same power that resurrected Jesus from the grave. To ultimately hang our hope on the exact same Holy Spirit to restore us to wholeness. And whether physical, mental or emotional healing be in this literal lifetime or on the other side of Heaven, we do not have to be fearful. We can have hope today. Joy. Peace.
You see, I am not called to live afraid for my son. I am not called to carry the weight of healing him or protecting him from cerebral palsy. And I do not have to tend the figurative fire 24/7 for fear of Luke somehow “losing”. Because Easter tells us the end of the story. Life will win. The Light will win. Mightily and completely. And the resurrected Jesus stands in the gap between what we humanly can and cannot accomplish on our own.
Romans 8:15-17 (MSG) “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike, ‘What’s next, Papa?’ God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us – an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!”
Happy Easter, friends. The grave is empty. Exhale, celebrate and live like you really and truly believe it.
