I want to say it right up front. I am not strong – I am beautifully broken. And today I want to address a well-meaning comment that my husband and I hear from time to time. The comment is usually some variation of the following.
“You are so strong to adopt a child…”
“To have waited all those years (four and a half HARD years)…”
“And to have trusted the process…”
“Or to have kept going when friends and family told you to quit…”
“You are so much stronger than us…”
“We could never adopt…
“Raise a child with trauma in his or her past…”
“Freely accept a birth mother as part of our family…”
Let’s all PAUSE right here. Allan and I are not strong – we are beautifully broken. Beautifully broken human beings just like everybody else. But Allan and I firmly believe something that you may or may not already realize. Read on!
we are NOT superheroes
It is a falsehood that adoptive families have some sort of special powers. We are not superheroes. Far from it! We are not capable of saving anyone else (let alone ourselves). On the contrary, most days we are a family just like yours trying to raise good kids, pay our debts and keep our household from physically falling apart.
Truth? Other days feel crushingly difficult. Watching our children struggle through trauma they did not create. Navigating a mine field of hard feelings and hard decisions. More internal self-accusations that we are lousy parents and even worse spouses. We are not strong – we are beautifully broken.
On those days, our souls are weary. Sometimes our own tears release the built-up tension. Sometimes we exchange unnecessarily sharp words with those we profess to love the most. Other times we retreat to our she-shed / man-cave to spend angry hours by ourselves in total silence rather than respectfully or lovingly interact with each other. The prospect of navigating our lives without failing our children, growing apart from our spouse, or being swallowed whole by frustration or worry is overwhelming. But we keep going.
How? Not by our own human strength. By faith.
Don’t miss it – keep moving forward.
I love this quote from author and pastor, Rick Warren’s blog. “Where do you get the resilience to keep going? Faith. It’s believing God could do something any moment that could change the direction of your life, and you don’t want to miss it, so you keep moving forward.“
We believe it, so we keep moving forward. For example, pressing through the choppy waters of parenting (because God sees us). Holding fast to the belief that God prepares a good path ahead of each of our children (because God loves them). Handling our marriage with love and respect (because God leads us). Attending one more therapy appointment, one more counseling session or one more conference. Whispering one more prayer for guidance and strength. Keeping our eyes on God. Keeping the faith.
The plan includes YOU, too.
God sees us, knows us, leads and loves us. In addition, he made a grand plan to save us because He knows we cannot possibly save ourselves. That plan includes YOU as well, if you allow Him. Some days He grants us faith to take the next blind step, to make the next trusting move. Other days He calls us to faith to let go of our fierce grip and surrender to Him. To accept help from our amazing human support system who loves our broken little bunch. And honestly, some days it is just enough faith to tie a knot in the end of our dangling rope and hang on for dear life. Regardless of future outcomes, we feel blessed and at peace. No matter what.
A very faithful ancient Bible guy (Paul, who authored most of the New Testament) wrote, “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. Hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)
So, you see, we receive misguided comments. Allan and I are not strong – we are beautifully broken human beings just like everybody else. The truth is that we lean into our faith and the faith of our friends and family who love us. We don’t have superhuman strength. But God undoubtedly does, and we are following Him wherever the journey may lead.
Adapted from original 11/6/17 Facebook post. Featured image by Lars_Nissen_Photoart from Pixabay
