This week’s blog post covers something I never enjoy doing. Kayaking upstream against rough rapids. I rank it right up there with running. Yuck!
I prefer to save running for bear attacks or a zombie apocalypse. The only Marathons I need are gas stations, and I don’t ever want to run for office. Likewise, I avoid running a fever (especially these days). Ironically, I have been known to run my mouth, but that can still be done sitting down. I even went so far as to blog about a toxic form of running related to Bernie Sanders and COVID-19 prior to our global shutdown.
Truth be told, I did participate in a community 5K once. I thought it would set a good example for my kids, and they participated, too. I wogged across the finish line, chugged a bottle of water and promptly puked in the bushes. Never heard of “wogging”? It’s a lazy combination of walking and jogging (“w-” + “-ogging”). Still NOT running. STILL got the same medal as every actual runner.
All that being said, I do have lots of experience with the other strenuous physical activity I mentioned. I am a world-class champion at kayaking upstream against rough rapids. My guess is that YOU are, too, and you don’t even realize it.
our current river adventure
First of all, I need to explain some background information so you know what I mean by “kayaking upstream against rough rapids”. Our youngest son – Luke – was diagnosed with something called “hypotonia” (essentially floppy muscles) as an infant in 2018, and then more specifically cerebral palsy as a toddler in July 2019. He had his first seizure activity a couple of months later in October 2019.
As you may already know, I don’t necessarily believe in coincidences. Luke being THE EXACT CHILD adoptively placed with our family after a very long wait punctuated with heartbreak is no exception. For example, all of his medical issues are already very familiar to me professionally because of my career as a pediatric physical therapist. I actually developed a half-day workshop in 2016 for other therapists related to managing the very thing.
Even more personally, our daughter (now in college) was diagnosed with significant delays involving her speech at a very young age. Allan and I walked that long road with her, and had front row seats to witness her victories. She is thriving, and there is no reason that Luke won’t as well.
solid kayaks and strong paddles
It would seem our family is perfectly suited to help Luke move forward. So, where is the conflict, you ask? I can most easily explain it using a picture from a family kayaking adventure.
The kayak and paddle represent our resources available to navigate the river (aka life’s adventure). In the case of Luke’s diagnoses, my kayak sits pretty well in the water considering my professional and personal experiences to date. Clearly my photo reflects a time BEFORE Luke’s medical issues. The water is calm. I’m grinning. And I don’t have my usual tight grip on the paddle.
Are we all still together? Great! Let’s churn the waters a bit.
smooth waters become rough rapids
What happens to the river bed when we add an unexpected challenge like our Luke’s medical diagnoses (or remotely schooling our children while still attempting to work from home, prolonged social distancing, cancelled event plans, empty grocery shelves, etc)? Now our relatively smooth waters have become more bumpy. Then let’s add in the threat of an emergency like our Luke’s seizures (or too few ventilators, a sudden job loss, loved one in ICU, etc). Now we are shooting some pretty rough rapids! Oh, and sometimes we even need to paddle UPSTREAM in the midst of it all because we left behind important things like our Luke’s developmental milestones, and we need to go back and get them. Feel like you’ve also left something important behind as you are swept down the COVID-19 River, too? I bet you do.
So now we are all kayaking upstream against rough rapids. Thankfully, our family has been blessed with several resources specific to our cerebral palsy journey. For example, Allan’s job provides amazing health insurance (and he still has his job). Luke has a skilled medical team (and his four therapists are doing their best to accommodate Luke’s needs remotely during this crazy shutdown – we appreciate them even more now than we did before!). We also have a supportive network of friends and family willing to help (currently via Zoom and Google Hangouts). Sweetest of all, we have received hugs (virtual), prayers, encouraging words, and hot coconut almond mochas – nonfat, no-whip (delivered with a masked face and a gloved hand).
limited endurance
As you can see, our kayak and paddle are solid. However, the journey can still be draining. No one on the planet has limitless endurance. We have sat with Luke in countless waiting rooms. I have spent hours filling out medical grant applications to help cover the costs of Luke’s therapies and equipment not paid by our insurance. A needlessly complicated billing system at our local children’s hospital does not help either. I have a clinical doctorate degree in an allied health field and almost thirty years of experience in the medical business, and I still often can’t make heads or tails of those monthly statements! Some days I feel tired and spent, and other days I feel pressed and crushed.
I especially don’t like watching Luke struggle even though I know personally and preach professionally that growth comes from challenge. It stings sometimes to see much younger kids soar past Luke with far less physical effort. I hate that my son so obviously wants to walk and talk, but his little body doesn’t yet cooperate. On those days, I also feel sad and a little defeated.
we are all paddling
What river are YOU paddling today? Are your waters calm or rough? Are you currently enjoying a leisurely float downstream in your own bubble of isolation, or are you fiercely battling very real rapids? Do you see people on the river bank (social media)? Make sure you focus your attention on the ones cheering for you, and NOT the ones unintentionally throwing rocks your direction. In other words, just because someone posted it, doesn’t mean you have to consume it.
Not currently coping with Pinterest-perfect spring craft projects your friend suggested to entertain your littles? Or Instagram-worthy photos of that DIY project your friend just posted that make your own yard / deck / home interior feel even shabbier? Then give yourself permission to ignore those for now. I currently consider myself #winning if I am showered, dressed in something other than pajamas, and no one is the house is arguing. Score!
And for goodness sake, if someone offers to paddle your kayak for you for a while, LET THEM. For example, accept their help picking up your groceries. Let them cut your grass this time. Be specific in how they can pray for you if they offer. Use their gift of time and talent to catch your breath and rest your weary muscles. And then get back in there and keep paddling upstream. We CAN do this. See you at the finish line!
Featured image by Paul Brennan from Pixabay.
