The day has finally come! I am super excited about this week. Why? Because this week we move our eldest son – our “middle kid” – home from college for the summer. Our willful man-child who has had free rein to live his 19-year-old life any way HE sees fit while away at school. What could possibly go wrong? So, on the eve of moving our dear son out of his dorm room and back home with us for a few months, here are our secrets for a successful summer with your college student.
An open message to our college student
As you pack up your dorm room after freshman year on campus, let’s review some expectations before you arrive home for the summer. The following list may be refined as needed. We are all learning and growing, and your input is certainly welcome. Please know that may not change anything, but we respect your opinion nevertheless. We have just found that these are some secrets for ALL of us to enjoy a successful summer without wanting to strangle each other in the process.
What we expect from YOU for a successful summer
Our house and our car
#1. Driving our car is your sometimes privilege and not your right. You don’t pay for maintenance or insurance. Therefore, it’s not your car. You may ask permission ahead of time to borrow our car, which will most likely be granted assuming you always bring the car back in the same shape it left. Driving the car to/from work on a semi-regular basis will require some contribution toward gas on your part. Please refer to #8 below about “adulting”.
#2. You are expected to keep your hall bathroom picked up, and will need to physically clean the sink/toilet/shower on a regular basis. Our house is not the guys’ dorm, so don’t be overtly disgusting. (Fart jokes are still acceptable and encouraged.)
#3. Grass mowing. We know you love it!
#4. Left overs with no name are fair game. But if it doesn’t spell C-O-L-I-N, then please do N-O-T eat it.
Our feelings
#5. As a matter of courtesy to us, we ask that you let us know where you are going and when you expect to be home. This is not the same as asking our permission like in high school. This is more a matter of respectful consideration between people who live together. Please see #9 below if you plan to be out late.
#6. There will be ZERO smoking, vaping, underage drinking or street drug use on our property. This includes inside either of our cars. No alcohol. No pot / weed / reefer / devil’s lettuce / jazz cabbage / buddha / fry daddy / geek / crack back / juice joints. Or any other of the hundreds of slang terms in use these days. Absolutely NO exceptions. Oh, and we don’t care if it is already legal in several states and “everybody does it”. We’re not “everybody”. This is a non-negotiable, zero tolerance policy. It also applies to any of your guests.
#7. If your girlfriend comes to town to visit, we would love to meet her. And she will NOT be sleeping in your room. Neither will you be sharing a couch, air mattress, futon or tent for sleeping under our roof. What you choose to do on your own time at school is not our business. (Although you know we have strong opinions about it.) That being said what happens in our house, yard, driveway and cars IS our business.
But that is only one side of the secrets to a successful summer with a college student. Read on!
What you can expect from US for a successful summer
The house
#8. The laundry, shower and general groceries are openly available to you for free. If the water bill and grocery bill get out of hand, then you will be asked to contribute. That’s just real life. Welcome to “adulting”.
#9. We will not micromanage what time you get up in the morning or what time you go to bed at night. AS LONG AS YOUR LATE HOURS don’t keep or wake anyone else up. We’re much older than you and we have early mornings.
Your feelings
#10. We will not treat you like a free live-in babysitter. There may be times we will ask you ahead of time to watch your little brother, and we will treat you with respect and consideration when we do so.
#11. We will always do our best to listen and not just blurt out judgments. (That last part was for your dad.) We will offer you advice when you ask for it. Perhaps we will also offer you our unsolicited opinion if you appear to be careening headlong into trouble with blinders on due to your limited life experience thus far. We fully understand and accept that you are not obligated to take our advice. Regardless, we will always be in your corner.
#12. We will have fun, relax and recharge. We will give you room to breathe and just be a “kid”. Let’s cook thick steaks on the grill. Or the cheapest of hotdogs if you prefer. And let’s make s’mores over the firepit for dessert. We will go to the beach (assuming no emergencies again this year). There will be game nights and golf outings and movies. And last but not least, we will hug you as often as you allow it.
Love, Mom and Dad
A closing word to our readers
These secrets for a successful summer are not necessarily meant to be prescriptive for your own family. The above list represents OUR value system and what works for OUR family. Feel free to use what resonates with you and disregard what doesn’t. We have just found that clear and concise expectations up front spare us a lot of misunderstanding and hurt feelings later. And, yes, we literally put the above list in writing and shared it with our son BEFORE he and all of his stuff moved back home. Parenting clearly and consistently has worked for us with our kids over the past two decades – whether our “babies” are two years old or almost twenty years old.
Here’s to a successful summer with your own college student! It’s a unique stage of parenting, and can be one of your favorites. The next school year will be here before we know it, and we’ll be waving good-bye once again.
