Let me tell you a crazy story that happened recently. It is about the day a trip to the grocery store turned threatening for me and my toddler. I won’t soon forget the experience. It can be summed up by three distinct voices and one dangerous ride.
the first voice
It was a mistake you were chosen to be Luke’s mom! You don’t deserve to be anyone’s mother!
You are a disgrace. Look at you! You’re worthless.
How could you let this happen?!! You are a BAD MOM!
At least those were the words the accusing voice screamed at me in front of the grocery store. I was shaking and embarrassed with stinging tears of shame in my eyes.
the second voice
A second voice was there, too. It belonged to a stranger with a kind face. Her voice was softer and more gentle. You are okay. He is okay. This has happened to me before, too. I was grateful even if I didn’t believe her.
Here’s what had happened just moments before.
Luke and I were making a quick trip to the grocery store. As per the usual routine, he was securely strapped into the seat of a metal shopping cart, ready to head into the grocery store with me. I stopped to look at some autumn mum plants for purchase outside. My hand and eyes left the cart for ten seconds. That’s when our trip to the grocery store turned threatening.
the dangerous ride
I heard a woman’s voice that sounded alarmed and scared. Apparently when my attention was diverted to the mums, the shopping cart with my son attached rolled forward, then down the slope and into the crowded parking lot. I turned around just in time to see the woman catch the cart with Luke in the traffic lane.
No cars were coming in either direction. Tragedy was averted.
Immediately the first voice harshly screamed at me (in my head). Condemnation swelled up in me like hot acid in the back of my throat. Even after the woman with the kind face spoke gracious words to me, I was still horrified.
I stayed outside to collect myself before Luke and I entered the store. I was rattled for sure. My thoughts were swirling like angry hornets in my head.
Mistake. Unworthy. Disgrace.
the third voice
A third voice showed up. This one was also in my head. In other words, not an audible voice like the woman who caught the cart. It was more like an arrow suddenly cutting through the swarm of hornets and landing squarely in my heart.
Bullseye!
I chose you to be Luke’s mother five years before he was even born, and I don’t make mistakes.
I see you striving to be deserving of the gift. You don’t have to be Luke’s savior, because I am Luke’s Savior. Remember that I am your Savior, too. You are worthy because I say you are worthy.
Keep doing the best you can at any given moment and then trust Me to stand in the gap. You are a good mom. You are My beloved daughter. Grace has you covered. Stick with Me. I’ve got this.
in the end
As a result, I left the grocery store feeling better than when I entered. Luke seemed completely unimpressed by the whole near-accident. He was still my sweet, goofy boy with bare feet and peanut butter in his hair.
That night I tucked Luke into bed. We brushed his teeth. I read Goodnight, Moon. I kissed him on the cheek, telling him how much we treasure him. Most importantly, I told him about the voice that belongs to the King of All Creation.
Sleep tight, Baby Bear. Listen to His voice. He loves you beyond measure.
Adapted from 9/16/19 Facebook post. Image by Michael Gaida from Pixabay.
