Do you ever have a flicker of doubt when you finish something important? I often do! Welcome to the “Fine Tooth Comb” Club. Maybe it is the perfectionists in us. Or the “control enthusiasts“. We just can’t help ourselves. We instinctually pause and reflect one last time, wondering if our best was good enough. Did we miss a detail somewhere? Did we leave a question unanswered? An opportunity ignored? If you are wired this way, too, then you know what I’m talking about. It can be exhausting.
The end of one school year.
Many of us collectively share in a mutual experience this month – the end of another school year. And what an end to a school year it has been! I work in a large, suburban public school district as a pediatric physical therapist. I author and manage the thankful bee as a creative outlet. Honestly when I walked into my therapy space to start the week of March 9th, I had little realization that it would be my last “on site” work week of the school year. Seven days later (in Ohio anyway), we would all remotely learn and teach from home. Crazy!
So, as the 2019-2020 school year comes to a close, I cannot help but over-analyze. I know many of my colleagues are doing the same thing. In other words, we are wondering if our best was professionally good enough.
The end of many school years.
All this wondering doesn’t just impact my professional life. Gracious, no. I often fall victim to over-thinking my personal life, too. You see, I wasn’t just working to provide quality, individualized remote therapeutic opportunities for my students. I was also distantly supervising (he says nagging) my oldest son through his last nine weeks of high school at home. He graduates virtually thanks to the wonders of technology on May 31st from our living room. Hallelujah!
Amidst the modified graduations and cancelled celebrations, we parents (moms in particular) often wonder, “Was our best good enough?” Have we well prepared our babies for their young adult lives? We watched them take their first steps, and we have walked miles next to them since then. But have we done enough to prepare them for this next HUGE step most likely further away from us? And in the middle of a pandemic no less?!? I don’t recall pandemic parenting being part of the handbook we got at the hospital when each of our babies were born. If someone out there has a copy with that chapter included, I’d appreciate a scan.
As another side note, during this time Colin actually won an award from his Senior class. Of 300+ students, my kid won the “WORST CASE OF SENIORITIS” award. He received a trophy with his name on it, hand delivered to our front door by his high school’s principal. Yes, the struggle has been very real here in the Holderby House, friends.
The end of my life.
Someday in the future after I have taken my last breath in this life, I fully expect to stand before my Creator and account for my choices. And our enemy will have a long list of all the times my human best wasn’t good enough. Heck, that list will probably unroll down the table, onto the floor and out the door on the other side of the room. All the times that my pride came before humility. Times that my selfishness took priority over generosity. Moments when I left an opportunity to glorify God untouched out of fear or shame. And you know what? Everything on that long, long list will be factually accurate.
Yet, despite all of my transgressions, I don’t wonder if my flawed best here in this life was good enough. I don’t need to. Jesus says I’m good enough as is. He has paid my fine and served my sentence. In other words, through His perfect best He clears my imperfections from the record with love, grace and forgiveness. He stands in the gaps where I fall short as a human being.
I have to stop wondering.
So, that promise is really what I am leaning into as this school year comes to a close. I gave my earthly best as a therapist to my students in these challenging last several weeks of remote teaching and learning. And despite my shortcomings, I have to stop wondering. I have to let my students go and trust that Jesus will stand in the gaps where I fell short as a healer.
Same regarding my graduating son. I gave everything I humanly had as a mother to him over the past eighteen years. And still, I messed up. Frankly, some days I royally messed up. But I have to stop wondering. I have to let my boy go and trust that Jesus will stand in the gaps where I fell short as a mom.
Where do you need to stop wondering if your best is good enough? Your job? Your marriage? Maybe your children? What about your relationship with your Creator?
God wants us to drop those worries at His feet. Right now, today, in this very moment because Jesus is standing in our gaps. So, well done, teachers and therapists. Well done, parents. Our best is good enough because He is good enough. And we are loved beyond measure. We don’t need to wonder.
