faith

I am not strong – I am beautifully broken.

by Melissa Holderby on Sep 19, 2020 category faith, parenting, special needs

I want to say it right up front. I am not strong – I am beautifully broken. And today I want to address a well-meaning comment that my husband and I hear from time to time. The comment is usually some variation of the following.

“You are so strong to adopt a child…”

“To have waited all those years (four and a half HARD years)…”

“And to have trusted the process…”

“Or to have kept going when friends and family told you to quit…”

“You are so much stronger than us…”

“We could never adopt…

“Raise a child with trauma in his or her past…”

“Freely accept a birth mother as part of our family…”

Let’s all PAUSE right here. Allan and I are not strong – we are beautifully broken. Beautifully broken human beings just like everybody else. But Allan and I firmly believe something that you may or may not already realize. Read on!

we are NOT superheroes

It is a falsehood that adoptive families have some sort of special powers. We are not superheroes. Far from it! We are not capable of saving anyone else (let alone ourselves). On the contrary, most days we are a family just like yours trying to raise good kids, pay our debts and keep our household from physically falling apart.

Truth? Other days feel crushingly difficult. Watching our children struggle through trauma they did not create. Navigating a mine field of hard feelings and hard decisions. More internal self-accusations that we are lousy parents and even worse spouses. We are not strong – we are beautifully broken.

On those days, our souls are weary. Sometimes our own tears release the built-up tension. Sometimes we exchange unnecessarily sharp words with those we profess to love the most. Other times we retreat to our she-shed / man-cave to spend angry hours by ourselves in total silence rather than respectfully or lovingly interact with each other. The prospect of navigating our lives without failing our children, growing apart from our spouse, or being swallowed whole by frustration or worry is overwhelming. But we keep going.

How? Not by our own human strength. By faith.

Don’t miss it – keep moving forward.

I love this quote from author and pastor, Rick Warren’s blog. “Where do you get the resilience to keep going? Faith. It’s believing God could do something any moment that could change the direction of your life, and you don’t want to miss it, so you keep moving forward.“

We believe it, so we keep moving forward. For example, pressing through the choppy waters of parenting (because God sees us). Holding fast to the belief that God prepares a good path ahead of each of our children (because God loves them). Handling our marriage with love and respect (because God leads us). Attending one more therapy appointment, one more counseling session or one more conference. Whispering one more prayer for guidance and strength. Keeping our eyes on God. Keeping the faith.

The plan includes YOU, too.

God sees us, knows us, leads and loves us. In addition, he made a grand plan to save us because He knows we cannot possibly save ourselves. That plan includes YOU as well, if you allow Him. Some days He grants us faith to take the next blind step, to make the next trusting move. Other days He calls us to faith to let go of our fierce grip and surrender to Him. To accept help from our amazing human support system who loves our broken little bunch. And honestly, some days it is just enough faith to tie a knot in the end of our dangling rope and hang on for dear life. Regardless of future outcomes, we feel blessed and at peace. No matter what.

A very faithful ancient Bible guy (Paul, who authored most of the New Testament) wrote, “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. Hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

So, you see, we receive misguided comments. Allan and I are not strong – we are beautifully broken human beings just like everybody else. The truth is that we lean into our faith and the faith of our friends and family who love us. We don’t have superhuman strength. But God undoubtedly does, and we are following Him wherever the journey may lead.

Adapted from original 11/6/17 Facebook post. Featured image by Lars_Nissen_Photoart from Pixabay

Why NOW is the right time to celebrate.

by Melissa Holderby on Sep 13, 2020 category overcoming hardship

Please pass the cork screw and the champagne flutes. I am finished waiting. NOW is the right time to celebrate.

Here’s the reason…

A dear friend gave me a fancy bottle of champagne when she moved to a different city. She had originally received the bubbly for her 40th birthday, and she had been saving it for the “right” future celebration. Similarly, I kept the bottle in our refrigerator at home, also waiting for the “right” moment to open such a gift.

You see, I could never really answer my own question. When should we pop the cork on this expensive champagne and celebrate?

when to open the champagne?

My family has had much to celebrate in 2020, so there have been lots of options. Our daughter turned twenty-one in April. Our middle son turned eighteen in February. And even better, he graduated from high school in May (virtually, but still). Toddler Luke took his first unassisted steps right before his second birthday after months and months of physical therapy. My BIG 5-0 was in May, as was our 28th wedding anniversary. So many possibilities.

I bet there is something you are waiting to celebrate, too. Some hoped for, special thing that has not yet happened in your life. What is that thing for you? What is worthy of a pricey champagne toast? A wedding? The arrival of a child? A grandchild? Acing the big exam? Losing the weight? Reaching a certain number in your bank account? Promotion at work? Retirement? The end of this POTUS election season? A vaccine? No more mask mandates?

Still, my question remains…”When should we celebrate?”

Then the answer came to me loud and clear… “You celebrate today. NOW is the right time to celebrate.”

eat less cottage cheese and more ice cream

No matter what (else) happens in 2020 and beyond, we are called to celebrate today. We can pop open our bottles of champagne knowing that this very day – right NOW- is enough. As is.

One of my favorite authors said it much better than me in her poem, “If I Had My Life To Live Over…”

Eat Less Cottage Cheese and More Ice Cream: Thoughts on Life from Erma Bombeck.

Go ahead. Read it. I’ll wait.

How wise she was! Use the good dishes. Light the fancy candle. Invite those friends over (socially distanced, of course). In other words, NOW is the right time to celebrate.

So, let’s stop waiting for the next big thing. Our big thing is today. Right NOW. This exact day that God has given to us. Raise your glasses and join me. Stop waiting. Celebrate! Today.

Featured image by lumpi from Pixabay.

Are we standing on solid ground?

by Melissa Holderby on Jun 6, 2020 category overcoming hardship

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I am struggling to keep solid footing right now. We Americans have moved well passed the collective boiling point, haven’t we? Our ugliness as a flawed culture has been ripped open and laid bare, glaring like putrid vomit buzzing with flies in the blistering summer sun. And rightfully so. Yet, in the middle of our stark nakedness, I can’t help but ask a question. Are we standing on solid ground? In other words, are we thoughtfully examining our own hearts before we join the public rhetoric?

The empire is burning.

No doubt there is a deafening cacophony of social and political upheaval to knock us all off our feet. The constant media bombardment is disorienting to say the least. We’ve got photo ops and sound bites from our elected officials as well as their political rivals. Are we standing on solid ground as a government? Let’s not forget that it’s a US Presidential election year. The stakes are especially high for both sides of the aisle. It would seem that calling a truce from destroying each other long enough to present a unified front to our hurting country isn’t on anyone’s agenda – Left or Right. Never have I personally felt less enthusiasm for ANY of our politicians. Sorry. (Not really sorry.)

So, Washington D.C. isn’t going to save us. What about our national idols? Are we standing on solid ground with whomever we trust to socially guide us from that sector? Our Hollywood elite make tearful statements from their estates. Yet, I don’t remember those same famous folks openly protesting the historically inequitable treatment of people of color in film and television when the headlines were quieter. Never have I personally had less interest in what late night talk show hosts have to say. Sorry. (Not really sorry.)

It’s also burning closer to home.

But let’s move a little closer to home, shall we? Let’s leave the national stage and bring our focus to our own cities. Images of local peaceful protestors are in sharp contrast to video footage of rioters destroying and looting familiar regional stores. Truthful anecdotes decrying police officers as brutal villains smack right up against equally truthful stories of police officers tearfully embracing protestors. I have seen photos of regional neighbors breaking car windows and photos of area neighbors cleaning up the debris. We suffer mental and emotional whiplash trying to sort through it all.

Now let’s narrow our focus even more into our own individual homes. Our personal social media feeds explode from our phone screens in an online parade of passionate opinions. We scroll through the chaos of shared articles (please check your sources and publication dates, friends), video clips and other poignant graphics like hungry witnesses at a horrific accident scene. We enthusiastically “like” or “share” the posts with which we agree, and we spitefully comment on the ones we don’t. Perhaps even more damaging to any hope of open conversation, we ceremoniously “unfriend” our offenders, further deepening our own echo chambers.

The miry depths and the deep waters.

Can you see why our footing is shaky? Between the national, local and individual input we digest every day, we can easily get sucked into the pit. Lose our footing. Drown beneath the crashing stormy waves. It is not difficult to understand our slippery descent.

Our enemy is having a field day.

While our collective enemy uses all of these moments to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10), God has the authority and the power to use these moments to better us as individuals and rebuild us as a nation. IF WE HAVE FIRM FOOTING, ROOTED IN HIS SPIRIT OF FORGIVENESS, LOVE AND SELF-CONTROL (Galatians 5:22-23). We cannot intellectually propel ourselves out of our pit with statistics or science. And I personally am a big fan of z-scores and hypotheses! We cannot vote ourselves out of our pit come election day in November. Likewise, we cannot forcefully talk ourselves out with strong rhetoric and speeches. We can’t buy our way out with Wall Street. Similarly, we cannot float ourselves out with enough good thoughts and positive vibes.

And stuck in the bottom of that pit is exactly where our enemy gleefully wants us. Because inside our isolated pits we are separated, off balance and blind to the horizon. Our collective enemy will do whatever he can to keep us down there. He will deny earthly justice. He will yank discord to the surface and bury harmony beneath 6ft of angry shouting. And he will ALWAYS try to sabotage reconciliation, because his job is to move us as far away from our Creator as he can. Our enemy doesn’t want us to reconcile with each other, and he DEFINITELY doesn’t want us to believe that we could ever be reconciled with God.

Using a mirror to get out of our pit.

I admittedly don’t know much about Dr. Lee Roberson (20th century American pastor and author), but I like his words. “Revival begins in the individual’s heart. Let it begin with you on your face alone before God. Turn from every sin that might hinder…”.

What if lasting systemic change and revival in our country starts with a mirror? What if THAT is the springboard for God lifting us out of our pit? In other words, what if we each asked God to search and test our hearts and then set us on solid ground? One translation of Psalm 139:23-24 puts it this way:

“Investigate my life, O God,
    find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
    get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
    then guide me on the road to eternal life.” (MSG)

We need real traction.

What little I know about the science of physics suggests that we cannot move forward without traction. And there is certainly poor traction on the unstable ground at the bottom of our muddy pits. We need solid footing to realize genuine momentum. So, ask God to hold up the mirror and show you where your OWN outages may fall. And once He has lifted you out of that slimy pit and placed your feet firmly underneath you, THEN move forward steadied by His hand. That’s when lasting transformation and true freedom will come to our land.

Are we standing on solid ground? Let’s humble ourselves and get some real traction, friends. And let’s spread the Kingdom. One mirror at a time.

Header image by Rúben Gál from Pixabay.

Crushing and pressing bring new wine.

by Melissa Holderby on Apr 11, 2020 category faith, overcoming hardship

Our house shrinks a little more every single day of corona-quarantine. Right now, as I type these words, the walls and the ceiling feel as though they are closing in on me. Crushing. Pressing. Like so many others, our family is wading through the unfamiliar and uncomfortable new rhythm of working from home, schooling from home and socially distancing ourselves. Similarly, other facets of our lives are crushed and pressed in almost unbearable ways right now, too. Our resources. I can’t even look at our retirement account statements, let alone count our rolls of toilet paper. Our patience and stamina. Perhaps even our spirits. But what if all the crushing and the pressing bring new wine? In other words, what if the stress and turmoil ultimately yields something valuable in us?

Ever heard the song “New Wine” by Hillsong (words and music by Brooke Ligertwood)? Well, it’s been a favorite of mine ever since I first heard it. Little did I know, however, what kind of new meaning the lyrics would have in light of our current global situation.

VERSE 1:
In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making new wine
In the soil I now surrender
You are breaking new ground

PRE-CHORUS:
So I yield to You and to Your careful hand
When I trust You I don’t need to understand

CHORUS:
Make me Your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever You want me to be
I came here with nothing
But all You have given me
Jesus bring new wine out of me

Crushing vs pressing

Before researching this blog post, I assumed crushing and pressing were synonymous with one another. Not so! In the wine making process, crushing the grapes means breaking their skins and releasing the “free run” juices so that fermentation can begin. The sugary pulp of juice and skins created by crushing isn’t enough, though. Nope. Despite all that mechanical crushing, there is still quite a bit of juice remaining in the grapes. This is where pressing comes in.

Pressing involves adding physical pressure to the grape pulp to release every last drop of juice out of the remaining solid parts. The used up skins are thereby discarded, and the pressed juice can be used alongside the free run juice to create a unique blend. Crushing and pressing bring new wine.

It takes experience, finesse and care.

I found it interesting during my nerdy research, too, that the experience of the wine maker is key to the pressing process. Pressing is a delicate step that requires finesse and care. For example, apply too much pressure, and the grape seeds may rupture, introducing harsh tannins and unpleasant plant tastes to the wine. Conversely, apply too little pressure, and you leave behind valuable juice.

Truth be told, I never give my malbec or prosecco this much thought when I pour a glass for another virtual happy hour or game night with my socially distanced friends and family. I uncork the wine. I pour the wine, and I enjoy the wine. No finesse required on my part. I trust the process that got the grapes into the bottle.

Jesus knew wine.

Jesus certainly was familiar with wine. His first public miracle involved turning plain water into some most excellent wine at a wedding reception (John 2: 1-11). He used wine as a powerful symbol during his final Passover meal, instructing His followers (then and now) to remember Him and the new covenant His sacrificially spilled blood afforded all of us (Matthew 26: 27-28). He was offered sour wine while dying on the cross (Matthew 27:48; Luke 23:36; John 19: 28-29).

Jesus also used wine references in his parables and teachings. He used the imagery of new wine and old wineskins in Mark 2:22. Similarly, he likened the kingdom of heaven to “a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard” in Matthew 20:1. He even refers to God as the “vinedresser” in John 15:1. And just in case you don’t already know (I didn’t), the term vinedresser means someone who cultivates and prunes grape vines to yield the best harvest. It is a labor-intensive, year-round commitment. In biblical times, and still on smaller vineyards today, the vinedresser was typically also the actual vinter (wine maker).

So, Jesus essentially called God a wine maker, huh? Interesting analogy. Now here’s a compelling question. What if we trusted our own figurative crushing and pressing the same way we trust the literal wine making process when we pour our favorite red, white or rose?

Take another listen

Let’s take another collective look (and listen) at our song with our new understanding of wine making.

Did you hear it this time? Really hear it? “So I yield to You and to Your careful hand. When I trust You I don’t need to understand.” In the crushing and the pressing, Jesus is making new wine. He is breaking new ground. He can take our grief/fear/anger, and transform us into something new. No doubt, we will all be different when this chapter passes. Let Jesus make you something better – whatever He wants you to be.

Crushing and pressing bring new wine. So, trust the process. Trust the experienced Vinedresser. Stay strong, friends, and be encouraged.

Featured image by Free-Photos from Pixabay.

Four lessons from heartbreak for all of us.

by Melissa Holderby on Apr 4, 2020 category faith, overcoming hardship

Two months ago, human beings in most parts of the world could never have fathomed our collective condition today. International closure of schools and colleges. Cruise ships offered to the government as floating hospitals. Chronically empty grocery shelves. No restaurants, movie theaters, hair salons, or toilet paper. Craziness! But lessons can be learned from heartbreak – lessons we can all lean into in our collective crisis.

I originally wrote a version of these words back in November 2017 after a very painful heartbreak in my own personal life. My spirit was crushed, and I felt too defeated to cry another tear. You see, I had dutifully prepared and waited four long years for something that turned to sand and fell between my fingers on a technicality. At the time all I could see was my own grief. Eventually I would be able to see the positive things that rose out of my heartbreak. However, I just didn’t have the hindsight at the time.

Maybe you are in a similar hard place right now, too. Maybe you are feeling a bit in denial about the scope of what is happening or how long our social shutdown will last? Perhaps you feel angry at the situation (or at God)? Experiencing sadness over what (and whom) we’ve lost? Well, I’m here to tell you that you are in good company, friends. And to assure you that there is beauty to eventually come out of these ashes. Here are four lessons I learned out of my own past heartbreak that we can lean into today.

Lesson #1: Vulnerability is not weakness.

Vulnerability is not the same as weakness. It actually takes great inner strength for many of us to accept help from other people. In other words, receiving generosity from other people definitely softens our sharp edges – especially around our own humility and trusting others.

Before four years of effort exploded in my face in 2017, I took pride in my self-sufficiency. I was a self-proclaimed “control enthusiast“. My philosophy had always been this: Definitely love other people, and maybe even trust them. But do NOT rely on them. Stand on your own two feet and take care of yourself. The person I trusted most in the world to get a job done was… well… me.

Well, guess what? I was spectacularly wrong. (And I say, if you are going to be wrong, be spectacularly wrong.) Four years of my own grinding effort blew up in my face like a bottle rocket on the Fourth of July. I was forced against my will into a position of relying on other people – not only for emotional support, but for material support as well. Quite unexpectedly, my painful position yielded one of the priceless lessons I learned from my heartbreak.

My pride was decimated. But you know what? God showed me that leaning on other people is how He designed the world. We are built to live in community and to rely on others. Even more importantly, I learned to rely on God above all else. He is my first and best strand.

Lesson #2: Live our true identity.

When my grief threatened to swallow me whole, I was tempted to believe untruths about myself. I labeled myself with names like “failure” and “fool”. That’s when God taught me a better path in my darkness, and I learned to walk out my true identity. (I’d been giving it lip service for years, but I learned to actually walk what I talked.) God wants that for ALL of us. In other words, He wants us to know WHO we are and to live confidently like we believe it.

In case we have forgotten in all the world’s present madness, let me first remind us who we are NOT. We are NOT today’s COVID-19 statistics. We are NOT “infected persons”, “panic buyers” or “essential-” versus “non-essential personnel”. In other words, our circumstances don’t define us. Our Father does. And He has some amazing things to say about WHO we truly are.

We are children of light – servants, stewards and soldiers. Witnesses and kingdom workers. In other words, we are warrior daughters and sons of the King. So, let’s stand tall in those identities and face our collective enemy with confidence.

Lesson #3: Prayer is an effective weapon.

Warriors need weapons, and prayer is a powerful one in battle. Most of us shy away from praying out loud (or at all), let alone with another person. We may feel awkward and perhaps a little judged. Heck, I can count on ZERO fingers the number of times I prayed out loud (excluding memorized blessings before dinner). Now I am far more comfortable with it. My grief in 2017 drove me to my knees where I learned more lessons from my heartbreak. There is something intimately powerful in us talking to our Creator.

Many of us don’t make a regular rhythm of prayer because we think we don’t know how. Spoiler alert: You actually DO know how. Talking to God does not demand props, fancy words or any other special mumbo-jumbo. God doesn’t pay more attention if you hold your hands a certain way, or bow your head or close your eyes. The King of Creation just wants you to bring the conversation to Him. Even more amazing, did you know He made provision for when you are so exhausted and overwhelmed that you have no more human words? Anyone out there currently exhausted and overwhelmed? His Spirit knows your heart and is willing to pray on your behalf. Yes, please!

God promises to listen to His children regardless of how we choose to communicate with Him. So, warriors, wield that weapon of prayer. For example, talk to God out loud or in silence. Speak with Him while you take an outdoor walk (at a responsible 6ft social distance, of course) or run on your treadmill. Are you moved by music? Then, sing your prayer if you prefer. Do you like to write? Then, journal your prayer in writing. Or maybe you are like I was in 2017 – too crushed and defeated at the moment to even have words. Then just sit quietly, and tell Him you are going to have a good cry at His feet. Just go to to Him, because He IS listening.

Lesson #4: Trouble is inevitable for everybody.

Part of my heartbreak stemmed from my (then) linear, transactional line of thinking. Maybe you can relate? Here is the equation: Hard Work = Success. Laziness = Failure. In other words, if I put in the effort, then I will get the desired result. Simple, really.

That’s partly why I felt so cheated. I had painstakingly dotted every “i” and crossed every “t”, yet I still missed out. Another way of saying it? I had played by the rules, and yet “lost”. Or so it felt at the time.

So, God patiently showed me that I was viewing Him the same way. I had done what He had asked of me, yet He didn’t deliver what I thought He should. Sort of like a heavenly vending machine. In my immature human mind, I saw my “defeat” as a betrayal and an abandonment. As it turned out, the “NO” that almost broke me in 2017 kept the path open for a bigger and brighter “YES” one year later. And I am forever grateful that God sees the whole big picture when I only see my own little sliver.

So, friends, we do not need to fully understand everything in life. Similarly, we don’t have to know or like every outcome to obey and trust our Creator. A heartbreaking “NO” today may become an even better “YES” in the future. And what Our Father doesn’t make right in this lifetime, He promises to make right in Eternity. Jesus said we should ALL expect trials on this earth, and that this life would be messy. It is not a transaction. No one is immune. But through Him, we can still be unshakable, assured and deeply at peace.

Let’s review.

Lesson #1: Reach out to others and allow them into our struggles. Next, Lesson #2: Remember who (and Whose) we are. Then, Lesson #3: Prayer is a powerful weapon. Use it. And lastly, Lesson #4: Expect trouble in this life, but take heart. Our Father has already won the war.

So, there we have it. Four lessons I learned out of heartbreak in 2017 that hold up in our 2020 situation. God knows exactly where we are, even in our darkness. He chooses us, even in our anger toward Him. He comes closest to us in our grief. And He fiercely loves us. No matter what. Our messes will eventually become our messages. And our tests will eventually become our testimonies. We may be separated, but we are never alone.

Adapted from original 11/16/2017 Facebook post. Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

Covered in mud at my own wedding banquet.

by Melissa Holderby on Mar 28, 2020 category faith

In my defense, I had no idea it was MY wedding banquet. I was in the middle of a camping retreat with 200 other women that weekend. No toilets. No showers. I had peed and pooped in the woods. And that is no joke. For sure I needed some refreshing soap and shampoo. Regardless, there I sat – covered in mud at my own wedding banquet.

How was that even possible, you may be wondering? Well, there was a “feast” on the retreat agenda for dinner that evening. So, I showed up with my muddy clothes and unwashed face expecting a lukewarm hot dog and a bag of chips. Let’s be clear. I would have been extremely grateful for that, too, after sleeping on the hard ground and surviving on a granola bar so far that day. I was tired and sore.

more than a hot dog

The feast caught me completely off guard when I arrived for dinner. The giant white tent was gorgeous with long banquet tables, twinkling lights and crisp fabric table cloths and napkins. Much to my delighted amazement, there were hand-rolled beeswax candles, fragrant cedar planks and lovely calligraphy place cards with every individual woman’s name. Greenery and flowers from the forest adorned every table. A glass jar of homemade honey butter graced every spot. There were bottomless bottles of wine and endless platters of real food – whole roasted chickens, potatoes, vegetables, loaves of fresh bread, individual cakes with fruit compote. Even better, our meal was served to us family style so we could pass to our neighbors and take as much as we wanted. EVERYONE had a personal place at the feast.

dirty inside and out

What happened in my heart shocked me even more than this luxurious banquet in the middle of the woods. I was just hoping for a tepid hot dog, remember?

First, the unexpected beauty of it all surprised me. Wow! The obvious love and dedication that went into planning and executing such a feast!

And then suddenly I felt out of place. “I don’t belong here”, I thought. The table was clearly set for a guest of honor, a bride. I was filthy. I sat covered in literal mud at my own wedding banquet.

Then I felt even more self-conscious of the dirt I perceived within me. I was not worthy of this extravagance. You see, I have made some mistakes in my life. Some of those mistakes cost just me, and some of those mistakes cost other people. Similarly, I have also withheld full forgiveness from folks who have hurt me. My eyes started to spill over, and I thought, “I am not worthy to sit at Your table, Lord. Other women may deserve to be Your guest here, but not me.”

I know you and I love you anyway.

God answered me in the most loving and tender way. “Oh, my daughter. Hear Me on this. You are worthy because My Son has made you worthy. He set your place at My table over 2,000 years ago. I love you beyond measure. Nothing surprises Me, including the darkened corners of your heart that you try to mask in shadow. Your debt has been paid in full. You are Mine, and I am yours. This feast is just a peek at eternity with Me.”

So, I took another look around. And this time my eyes saw differently. I saw women laughing, feasting and pouring wine for one another. Women of different ages and different skin colors. Women of varying sizes and shapes. We all had a place at our Father’s extravagant table. We were all brides that day. Brides sitting covered in mud at our own wedding banquet. Treasured. Forgiven. Beautiful.

your place at the banquet table

There is a place set at this abundant feast for YOU as well. You have a standing invitation, and you can come “as you are” – tired, sore, broken, literally muddy, figuratively dirty, and all. Jesus already paid your bill, so you owe nothing for the extravagance. You just need to show up, take your seat, and receive it. Drink in the spiritual joy of it. There is always room at His table for you. No matter what.

Interested but not sure where to start? Well, when I accepted the invitation, I said something similar to this:

“God, I need You in my life. I have tried doing things my own way and have messed up. I cannot have my best life without You. I want to turn away from my sin and turn to You instead. Jesus, I want You to be in my life as my hope and my savior. Please fill me with Your Spirit. Thank You for loving me. Amen.”

Those aren’t magical words that suddenly make our problems go away, nor some kind of empty ritual to mindlessly recite to get on God’s “good side”. (Hint: He already likes you.) Neither are they something I offer to you lightly. That prayer is just one example of words you might choose to say to God to get you (re)started in a personal relationship with Him. He’s not concerned about your word choice, grammar or ease of speaking. He just wants you at His table. He loves you – muddy mess and all.

Need more? Want next steps? Confidentially contact us HERE. We’d love to pray with you.

Featured image by rawpixel from Pixabay.

Comfort food for thought in unsure times.

by Melissa Holderby on Mar 21, 2020 category overcoming hardship

I don’t know about you, but I have definitely ramped up my coping strategies during this global coronavirus pandemic. Apparently my subconscious has been trying to recreate the comfort and security of my childhood. For example, I had ooey-gooey grilled cheese and creamy tomato soup for dinner tonight. As accompaniment, I played Sesame Street music on Spotify in the background (for our toddler, of course, *ahem*). And I lit a Walt Disney World-themed candle nearby. If I could have also crawled up onto my grandmother’s violet-scented lap, my heart would have been three years old again. Sadly, I can’t make all of you tomato soup and grilled cheese, but I can offer you some comfort food for thought in unsure times.

If I think way, way back to my untroubled childhood, I remember a few television shows that defined the world for me. A world where I was spared the harsh realities of things like pandemics and quarantines. Let’s look at them and see what comfort food for thought they may have to offer us NOW in the middle of our global crisis.

#1. Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood (1968-2001).

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster’, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” ~ Mister Rogers

There are still so many helpers – so many caring people in the world. In other words, everyone is not an “only out for themselves”, toilet paper hoarding jackass. This is key for us to remember. Empty barrels superficially steal our time and attention, but they are the (albeit loud) minority. Have hope that there is basic goodness alive in humankind as a whole.

#2. Sesame Street (1969 – present)/ The Muppet Show (1976-1981).

“I’ve always tried to present a positive view of the world in my work. It’s so much easier to be negative and cynical and predict doom for the world than it is to try and figure out how to make things better. We have an obligation to do the latter.” ~ Jim Henson

It is our obligation to try and figure out how to make things better. And humankind is at its finest when we band together for a common cause against a common enemy. We may not be on the front lines of developing a vaccine, but we certainly can make our corner of the world a little better, right?

For instance, are we venturing out to the grocery store madness later today? We could purchase extra non-perishables for a local food pantry, or we could offer to pick something up for a neighbor. Maybe we could show support for a locally-owned shop or restaurant (buy a gift card for later if you are temporarily avoiding all public contact beyond just social distancing). Know someone working in healthcare or education? Or even worse right now – the grocery industry? Send them an encouraging text or a message.

There are lots of practical ways we can make things a little better. In other words, an outward focus beats wallowing in our isolated inward focus any day. We could even share some comfort food for thought of our own in these unsure times. Above all, let’s remember to have some extra patience and grace for those around us.

#3. The Wonderful World of Disney (1969-1979)

“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me… You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” ~ Walt Disney

Let’s be for real. Coronavirus is more than a kick in the teeth. It is a kick in the teeth, a swift uppercut to the chin, a cross punch square in the face, and a reverse round house to the proverbial nuts. All at the same time. Ouch.

I’m excited to see the end of this story.

But once this fight is over and the dust begins to settle, you know what? I am actually excited to see what humankind does with itself as a result. Will we be less apt to overload our schedules in favor of more time connecting with friends and family? Maybe constant extra-curriculars for kids (and adults) are draining on a family. Will we have new creative ways of doing our jobs instead of mindlessly running the same rat race day in and day out? Like professionally hitting the reset button! Will we be more respectful of how our own health choices impact our community as a whole? Cover your cough, wash your hands, and stay home if you are sick. Please, and thank you.

I like to think we will rise out of this stronger, wiser and more cohesive. Time will tell, I suppose. Until then, we’ve got some comfort food for thought in these unsure times. First, look for the helpers. Secondly, try and figure out how to make things better. Thirdly, believe that our struggles will make us stronger.

P.S. I’ve got canned tomato soup in my pantry and plenty of streaming episodes of Sesame Street if you want to stop by and watch from the window. Just bring your own roll of toilet paper, okay?

Three coincidences within an hour? You decide.

by Melissa Holderby on Feb 2, 2020 category overcoming hardship

We are all fighting some kind of battle(s). For many of us that battle is anxiety. In other words, we give fear permission to steal our joy and destroy our peace. I’d love to tell you about some crazy stuff that happened one Saturday when my own anxiety came calling. Fear had a foothold in my heart that day, yet I was able to exhale because of a stranger, a song and a comedian. Three coincidences within an hour? You decide.

fear gets a foothold

That particular weekend Allan and I went to our 5:30pm Saturday worship service at our church. That was our normal routine. Full transparency? I was scared. You see, this time was anything but routine for me. This was the first time we would leave Luke in the toddler childcare room since he started his seizures at home exactly one week prior at the same hour.

I feel strongly that I have the responsibility of aligning my actions with my words. And my words to you recently have centered around God as trustworthy. So, we packed Luke up and headed out. I was super nervous, but we did it anyway.

The childcare staff at our church was already aware of our events from the previous weekend and Luke’s new seizure diagnosis. I knew better than to just hand the kid off to an unprepared volunteer with my cell number and a dose of rescue medication. (Trusting doesn’t mean foolish, right?) So, I texted earlier in the day to let the staff know we were coming that night and to ask about bringing Luke to his toddler childcare room for the hour. The staff responded with a warm and genuine “YES”, and we worked out a few details before arriving.

My heart sank when I approached the toddler room. Luke’s favorite volunteer (Melinda) was not serving that evening. Melinda has invested a lot of extra TLC helping Luke feel comfortable in that environment. Luke feels loved and safe when she is there. I feel secure when she is there. Melinda was not there. My anxiety swelled.

the stranger, the song and the comedian

The anxiety really had a strangle-hold on me. My muscles felt tense. My lungs wouldn’t release a deep breath. Even my heart felt heavy. Then I encountered a stranger, a song and a comedian in quick succession. Three coincidences within an hour? You decide.

“coincidence” #1 : the stranger

Rich was one of the toddler room volunteers that night, and he immediately approached Luke and me at the counter. He had already been briefed by the staff about Luke’s new situation and was ready to listen to my worried description of Luke’s seizure signs. He didn’t even raise an eyebrow that I had made a laminated card in the medicine pouch with seizure first aid tips and our emergency numbers. (Trusting doesn’t mean foolish, remember?)

Rich and I had never met before, although he had volunteered in the toddler room previously and knew Luke. During my nervous small talk, Rich said he worked as a driver for UPS. His career before that? Rich had been an EMT. In other words, an emergency medical guy on an ambulance trained in life-saving skills. I literally felt my tense chest relax. *EXHALE*

“coincidence” #2: the song

God definitely got my attention with Rich the retired EMT. However, my anxiety started peaking again when I entered the dark auditorium. The band was leading worship, and I tried to let the music distract me.

I have a go-to song for when I am feeling overwhelmed and afraid. Surrounded by Michael W. Smith. Maybe you’ve heard it, too?

“It may look like I’m surrounded,
But I’m surrounded by You.
This is how I fight my battles.”

That very song was next in the band’s set list. I know every note, every word by heart. We can’t sing out loud and hold our breath in fear, can we? *EXHALE*

Watch Michael W. Smith perform the chorus HERE.

“coincidence” #3: the comedian

If you know me heart and soul, you know that humor is one of my sincerest love languages. Comedy helps me cope. For the first time in the decade I have attended our church, the message was delivered by a nationally-known and award-winning comedian. In other words, a professional humor guy who earns a living making other people laugh.

Seriously. No joke. (See what I did there? That’s funny!)

I laughed out loud without hesitation. This guy was amazing – not just funny, but incredibly inspiring. We can’t belly laugh and hold our breath in fear, right? *EXHALE*

Watch Comedian Michael Jr. HERE.

A retired EMT for safety? Provision! A song for strength? Power! A professional comedian for laughter? Peace! ***EXHALE***

Three coincidences within an hour? I don’t believe so. Look around you. What blessings do you see in the midst of your battles? Count them. Focus on them. Peace CAN be restored, friends. Be encouraged.

Adapted from 10/13/19 Facebook post. Image by JacLou DL from Pixabay.