the thankful beethe thankful bee

Finding hope, joy and humor in our everyday.

Our adoption journey

Room for one more at the table.

by Melissa Holderby on category

When God said we had “room for one more” at the table, I laughed and ignored Him. Then He took us on an unexpected adventure that changed our family forever. And most people thought we were crazy.

Truthfully, we understood most people being skeptical. Folks were justifiably perplexed about our motives to pursue adoption. After all, we had healthy and happy teenage kids with an empty nest in sight. And that certainly begged the question – Why start all over (at our ages)? Fair enough.

Oh, I get that not many people are called to actual adoption. The point of this post is NOT to convince you to become an adoptive or foster parent. (Although that would be awesome!) Rather, the actual point is to offer some encouragement and practical steps you can tuck away for the moments when you need to keep moving forward on your own rocky path. Or perhaps you haven’t even taken the first scary step on your own adventure because you are too nervous to get out of your secure and familiar seat. So, here is a boost, friend. Be encouraged.

why in the world?!?

Allan and I had talked about adoption before we were even married. We knew we both wanted to have children, no matter how God chose to send them to us. When our daughter and then son were born, we frankly never considered adoption again. We often talked about having a third biological child, but the circumstances were never “right”. We had one girl and one boy, and were content to just be content. As our kids continued to get older, we assumed our family was finished growing. Then 2013 happened.

Shortly after the start of 2013, I kept getting a very specific nudge in my heart – “You have room for one more“. The same phrase over and over. “You have room for one more.” But one more WHAT exactly? One more vacation? Yes, please! Or does this mean one more professional degree. Not sure about that one. I already feel stretched pretty thin at work. One more volunteer role at church, perhaps? Hmmmm.

So I prayed on it and waited. And then the phrase started to come into more focus. “You have room for one more AT YOUR TABLE. One more CHILD. You are not finished parenting.” Whoa! Hold it right there, Lord. Pull back hard on those reins. That is NOT in the game plan. And not unlike Sarah in the Old Testament, I literally laughed out loud at the prospect. Seriously, what a ludicrous idea. “Room for one more” at the table. Bah!

I told God there was no way at my age and in my situation that I was EVER going to have another child. No way! We were content to be content, remember? Allan and I had actually started dreaming a little about what our empty-nest retirement may look like, not about committing another 18+ years to having kids in the house. But that persistent voice… “You have room for one more (at the table)”.

I kept my secret

Long story short, I ignored that nagging little voice and kept stone silent on the matter. I never said anything to my husband or my mother or my best friend. Not one peep. It was a certifiably insane proposition. Thanks, God, but no thanks. I am perfectly fine with my own plan. Thank you anyway.

Summer 2013 came and was nearly over. I had gotten fairly good at (politely) telling the Creator/King of the universe that I was not interested in His idea. My family was enjoying a last summer day at a local amusement park, and our teen-age kids were enjoying a whirly-twirly ride. One that makes me puke in my “older” age, so I sat that one out. Allan and I were parked on a nearby bench, supervising and sharing an over-priced iced lemonade. Relaxed. Content to be content. Or so I thought.

That’s when I casually noticed an cute baby nearby in a stroller and pointed her out to Allan – something I did frequently because Allan and I both adore kids. Allan looked at the baby, looked at me and very calmly said, “There’s something I need to say to you. Just hear me out.” Uh, oh. “I feel strongly that God is telling me that we have room for one more” (at the table).

Wait…. WHAT?!?!?! Clearly I couldn’t continue to ignore what I’d been sensing in my heart for many months. And clearly we had some serious things to discuss for our family’s future. Our family’s roller coaster of an adoption journey officially started a few months later.

We waited over four years

Fast forward. We waited over four years without even a possible adoption match. In other words, no contact of any serious interest. We had a few “casual” situations mentioned through friends of friends, but never anything that progressed beyond a text message or two.

The weight on my shoulders was sometimes so heavy I could hardly breathe. We gambled half of our retirement savings on a whispered promise. “You have room for one more” (at the table). We turned our family upside down to pursue adoption despite all logical reasons to just stay content being content. And on top of all that, my heart was on fire with genuine longing to mother a third child. I already loved a little soul I hadn’t even met yet. Sometimes THAT feeling took my breath away, too.

Motivation to keep going

At the low points when we considered “giving up”, I tried a few strategies to calm my soul and regain clarity. For example, some days I sat in the nursery rocking chair and prayed or read my Bible. Most days I left the nursery door shut and told myself that a miracle was being constructed in there. And at my absolute darkest moments, I felt foolish and forgotten. Angry at God for enticing me onto this journey and angry at myself for allowing my heart to be vulnerable. Perhaps you’ve felt that way at some low point in your life, too? I see you, friend.

In those darkest moments, I often thought about another, lesser known woman in the Old Testament. Remember Noah? Yeah, the guy with the ark and the flood. Well, maybe Noah’s wife felt the same way. I can imagine her shaking her clenched fist at God in her doubt and frustration, “We built the ark you specified, now where is the *&%$# rain?!?!?” That always brought a little half smile onto my face.

If He said it, you can trust it.

So, there is our answer as to “WHY”. We definitely got down some days. In fact, some days in particular I was dangerously down. Watch for blog posts coming later this Spring about dealing with rejection, identity and other storms. Being obedient to God’s call for our life does not guarantee freedom from hardship or heartbreak. But we also believe Him to be a good, good Father. One who calls us out of the safety of our boat and onto the rough waters for reasons we often cannot fathom in the middle of the upheaval. We held fast to the promise that He would never abandon us when we follow Him into the unknown.

Here are some of the Bible verses I clung to like life preservers when the going got rough.

  • “God is walking ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry.” – Deuteronomy 31:8 (MSG)
  • “Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” – Joshua 1:9 (MSG)
  • And perhaps my favorite of all, Matthew 10: 29-31. “For only a penny you can buy two sparrows, yet not one sparrow falls to the ground without your Father’s consent. As for you, even the hairs of your head have all been counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth much more than many sparrows!” (GNT) Actually, sparrows became an unexpected recurring theme for us – quite literally!
Do you hear that whisper? Listen!

What do you sense planted in YOUR heart? What great possibility would you act upon if fear and human expectation didn’t limit you? Go on that mission trip? Maybe start your own business? Leave that unhealthy relationship behind? Extend forgiveness to the person who hasn’t earned it?

If God has whispered that thing to you, first pray on it. Secondly, seek wise counsel. Then make your move accordingly. God is with you for the long haul. He loves you, and He has good plans for you. Plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) He gave you life to be experienced richly, abundantly and to the full (John 10:10).

Don’t stay on autopilot, content to just be content. There is more for you. Get out of your comfortable seat. Go!

Adapted from original 7/10/2016 Facebook post. Featured image by Katja S. Verhoeven from Pixabay.

Trucker biker cookies on a plane.

by Melissa Holderby on category ,

I alluded to a “cookie-eating truck driver” in my December 27th blog post. Here is the story about trucker biker cookies on a plane! Along with the story about the sparrow and the surfer dude, this is one of my absolute favorites.

First, some background.

eleven days

Luke was born on May 29th. We met him May 30th. He was released from the NICU and officially into our care on June 2nd. Allan flew back to Ohio on June 3rd, returning to our older two kids and his job. I got official clearance on June 7th to leave California with Luke. Lunch with Luke’s birthmom on June 8th. Luke and I flew home June 9th. He was just eleven days old.

Let’s pause here. Really embrace that timeline for a moment.

I was a newborn’s sole caregiver, protector and provider in an unfamiliar city thousands of miles from home with no back up for almost a full week. Any ring of my cell phone could mean that the adoption placement had fallen through. If I had fully processed what was happening, I would have had a full-fledged panic attack. Hour by hour, I held it together. I leaned into science programs on TV, bologna sandwiches and texts from family and friends.

Until, I was NOT holding it all together anymore. Suddenly it was GO TIME! Time to check out of the hotel (my safe cocoon), drop off the rental car and fly home solo with Luke.

* CRACK *

Hear that? That is the sound of my strong armor starting to crack apart.

cracks in my armor

Here is an example of a big crack in my armor. The TSA screeners in California seemed a lot more intense than we had experienced in Utah or Ohio. How would I ever manage airport security alone with a baby and all his gear? What if I lost something essential? What if other people got mad I was so inefficient and SLOW?

* CRACK *

I had just enough diapers and formula with me to cover Luke until we landed in Cincinnati. What if I missed our connection in Salt Lake City and got caught without provisions for him? Oh, man. Then what if Luke screamed his little head off? And what if I couldn’t provide for and comfort that hungry, pee-soaked baby?? Airport security!

* CRACK *

I was running on adrenaline and caffeine fumes. As a result, how would I safely hold a newborn on two flights? I could barely hold open my own eyelids. What if he slid out of my arms and rolled under the plane seat? What is somebody STEPPED ON HIM??

* CRACK *

Don’t laugh. These were actually the crazy things racing through my exhausted and very emotional head at that time. Shall we continue? There were plenty of more cracks happening in my armor.

I had no official paperwork saying that Luke was legally in my care. How would I explain myself if airport security accused me of smuggling a baby? Would the police arrest me? Would I have to return to California to “straighten things out”? GASP – could I go to jail??

* CRACK *

Oh, and those bologna sandwiches I ate all week in the hotel room? What if I suffered Oscar Meyer’s Revenge on the airplane???

* CRACK *

my biggest fear

Truth be told, none of those cracks were my biggest stressor. Nope. I was actually most afraid of being seated on the plane next to someone who was openly critical of me or the situation. We’ve all had the experience of waiting at the airport and seeing someone flying with a small child. And that’s when we’ve all had the same thought… “Dear God, please do NOT let those people be near me on this flight!!!”

Well, suddenly Luke and I were THOSE people. I was the one with the small child that everyone on the flight wanted to avoid. I prayed all night and that morning for God to put me next to some sweet grandmotherly type who loved babies and loved adoption and would just be kind to me. If not, I was in danger of having a breakdown right there on Delta.

Speaking of breakdowns, there was no sweet grandmotherly type waiting for me. And my cracking armor? Well, it cracked even wider when I realized my seat neighbor for the duration of the flight was a big, burly trucker/biker looking dude. Yes, I am guilty of stereotyping him. Yep, I judged him based solely on his rough appearance. No, I am not proud of that fact. But no way this guy was the answer to my prayer.

a calloused hand on a peach fuzz head

Trucker/biker guy (who introduced himself as “Wayne”) asked me how old Luke was and why I was traveling alone with such a tiny baby. Cautiously I told him the story. Big, burly Wayne surprised me with genuine tears in his eyes. Then, still teary, he shared HIS story with me. He told me that when he was 16 years old, his 14-year-old girlfriend had gotten pregnant. At that time, they had opted for an abortion. Wayne said that he thinks about that baby all the time and that his son or daughter would have been 42 years old now.

Wayne humbly asked permission to bless Luke. I agreed. He gently placed his big calloused hand on Luke’s peach fuzz head and blessed him with a happy life. The rest of the flight our new friend acted as a protector – making sure the air was not blowing directly on us, that we had plenty of room, that I could reach what I needed. All of that was a welcome relief.

The best part? My new friend asked for extra cookies for both of us when the flight attendant came around with the snack cart. Extra cookies! How did Wayne know chocolate chip cookies speak comfort to me?!! I felt safe and secure eating those trucker biker cookies on the plane. I could not have asked for a better neighbor on that flight!

unexpected packaging

And so, God sent exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it. True, the packaging was not at all what I expected. The sweet grandmotherly type I wanted turned out to be a trucker/biker guy with extra cookies on a plane. A tattooed answer to my prayers named Wayne with comfort for me and a heart-felt blessing for my peach-fuzz son.

I hope that Luke and I were helpful back to that gentleman somehow. We parted ways in Salt Lake City, and I caught the connecting flight to Cincinnati with time to spare. A little more confident. Much less afraid. Cookie crumbs on my shirt. Fewer cracks in my armor.

Adapted from 7/1/2018 Facebook post. Image by Scottslm from Pixabay

Unexpected and unwanted excitement.

by Melissa Holderby on category ,

Welcome to our fifth sprinkle of encouragement for December! I originally sent my fifth email home from California on June 6, 2018. At this point in time, Luke was eight days old and had been adoptively placed with us for only four of those days. Also by this time, over one hundred people were receiving our email updates. It was so encouraging to know that our growing army of supporters was keeping watch. That fact helped me to breathe more deeply. And considering the unexpected and unwanted excitement that occurred the morning of these words, I needed those deep breaths.

my fifth email home (6/6/2018)

The pieces of the puzzle continue to snap into place here. California has processed what is needed to release Luke from his birth state. Now the paperwork is in Ohio’s hands to process accepting Luke as a “Buckeye”. The process is very formal and legal. Admittedly, I don’t quite understand it all. However, I do understand that I will be eternally grateful when we are both allowed to come home. It looks like Saturday at the absolute earliest.

jumping through hoops

There is another formality that I need in hand to be able to leave California. I need a signed letter from a medical doctor here stating that Luke may fly on an airplane. We saw a pediatrician here Tuesday (6/5/18) for his one-week check-up. She said he “looks perfect” and we “just need to fatten him up a bit”. He has gained one pound since his birth and is eating like a champ (90-100ml every four hours or so). Still, she would not sign the letter giving Luke medical clearance at that appointment because of his young age. The pediatrician was willing to do so if I brought him back for a weight check on Friday morning (6/8/18). I will gladly jump through that hoop if it gets Luke and me home. We don’t want any unexpected or unwanted excitement at the airport.

I should have been more specific in my previous sentence. In other words, I should have said that I didn’t want any unexpected or unwanted excitement AT ALL. Because that is exactly what we experienced that very morning at the hotel.

unexpected and unwanted excitement

Right after I finished feeding Luke his 8:30am bottle, the fire alarms went off throughout the entire hotel. Fortunately, I have been trained with enough fire drills at various hospitals, schools and nursing homes that my body went into autopilot. As a result, I knew exactly what to do. I grabbed Luke and my backpack (doubling as my purse and a diaper bag). I also made sure I had the room key and my cell phone. Then I bolted for the nearest stairwell to get us safely outside.

Turns out somebody burnt toast and set off the fire detector in the first floor community kitchen area. No harm done, but as a result my adrenaline levels stayed way up for the rest of the morning. Oh, and Luke slept in my arms through the whole thing – not one little peep.

In contrast, I am not as rested as my little pal. Here is a selfie from right before the fire alarm – I look wiped out, don’t I? THAT photo is never going onto social media.

No sleep.
No make-up.
Zero clue of the pending alarm.

Ha! Ironically, that same photo is now shared publicly with anyone around the world reading our blog. I declared I want the thankful bee to be authentic and humble, right? That photo will certainly keep me humble.

lunch with a side of tissues, please

Luke and I are driving about one hour north on Friday to have lunch with Nadine so she can say good-bye. Our adoption coordinator will be with us as well. As joyful as I am to bring Luke home as a future Holderby, I am sensitive to Nadine’s (and Luke’s) loss. She seems to feel positively about the adoption plan. For instance, she already refers to me as Luke’s mom. Even more touching, she has said numerous times that she “knew Luke was home” as soon as she saw the first picture of Allan and me with him in the NICU.

I really respect Nadine for making hard choices to do what is best for Luke at great cost to her own feelings. We have texted with each other a few times this past crazy week, and we are both planning to have plenty of tissues on hand Friday. She already feels like part of our family, too.

peaceful rest

To close, several of you have asked how you can specifically pray for me right now. Fear and anxiety needs to stay away, and peaceful rest needs to take over. Even a few hours of non-fitful sleep would do me a world of good. I will never be able to express to all of you how much your prayers mean. Just knowing that there is an army of support back home lifting us up helps me feel less vulnerable. I am taking it all one hour at a time – whatever the immediate next step needs to be.

Keep the encouragement coming our way​​, friends!

With much love, Melissa

Featured image by Thanks for your Like • donations welcome from Pixabay.

Our sixth and final blog post in this series will come to you on December 27th. Then we start a new track to ring in the new year. Please join us! All are welcome!

four sparrows sitting on a wooden fence rail

The sparrow and the surfer dude.

by Melissa Holderby on category ,

Today’s post is the fourth in our December series of encouragement. My fourth email from Sacramento was originally dated 6/5/2018. Re-reading my own words over a year later, I can tell I am more relaxed in this message home than the first email. Heck, I am musing about the weather and Target in this one. That almost has a ring of normalcy to it! What does NOT feel like “every day” are the absolutely true stories in this post about the sparrow and the surfer dude.

Minds open? Let’s go!

my fourth email home (6/5/2018)

I have now survived 36 hours on my own in California with Luke. We are getting to know each other quite well! I am starting to be able to “read his signals”, and I think he may be getting used to me as well. Thank goodness he is patient and relaxed! I am excited to share with you the stories about the sparrow and the surfer dude. I promise every unbelievable word is 100% true.

dry heat is still HOT

We haven’t ventured out much mostly because it is 100 degrees here. I don’t care what anybody says about “dry heat” versus humidity. It is blazing HOT! Luke and I did make a quick run to Target today to return an item and look for something we needed. The Target is less than two miles from the hotel, but I was still nervous. It was comforting to me to be in such a familiar environment – all Targets look the same on the inside. Aside from the couple of people I saw wearing Oakland A’s baseball hats, we could have been shopping back home. No sparrow or surfer dude yet. Keep reading.

Nadine picks her name

Nadine texted today to check on me and Luke since Allan went back to Ohio. We had a very nice chat. We talked about several things including what she would like for Luke to call her. Some adoptees use the term “tummy mom”. Or “first mom”. Or “Mommy (insert first name)“. Nadine feels most comfortable with Luke calling her simply “Nadine”, so that’s what we shall do.

There are so many God-moments covering the past six days. I want to share my favorites (so far) with you. I know I promised you a sparrow and a surfer dude. Here they come!

worth more than many sparrows

You probably know that Allan and I did lots of adoption fundraising including the t-shirt with the sparrow design referencing Matthew 10:31. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. That Bible verse became our go-to through our adoption journey. Jesus is explaining to the disciples their (our) worth to God. Jesus makes the argument that if little birds can’t even land on the ground without God noticing, then how can He forget us, who are worth so much more to Him than many sparrows?

Naturally when we left Ohio to fly to California, I wore one of my fundraising sparrow t-shirts (pictured above). We were sitting inside the airport at gate B17 waiting to board our flight and we were both emotionally overwhelmed (terrified to be exact). Allan has a phobia about flying, too, so that added to the tension.

the sparrow in the airport

Low and behold, what landed on the armrest next to us inside the terminal? A SPARROW! It sat with us for a good five minutes or so and then flew off. Why in the world would a bird be inside the airport at our gate at that exact moment – and a sparrow to be specific???

I’ll tell you why. Because God is a Father who knows His children. He is sovereign over the entire universe, yet still knows each of us intimately enough to send exactly what we need exactly when we need it. Any time I start to let fear get the better of me out here, I remember that bird at the airport.

Our sparrow at gate B17!
many more sparrows

God has sent several other “sparrows” to us in the form of the right people at the right time this week.

(1) The hospital social worker – Heather – secured a hotel room for us five minutes from the hospital for the three nights Luke was in the NICU – completely free of charge. We didn’t even have to ask. She just did it. What a blessing to be able to concentrate on Luke without worrying about a roof over our heads!

(2) We got hopelessly lost when we met Nadine for the first time in the hospital last Friday. There was so much construction in the parking lot we literally couldn’t find the correct entrance. We were gong to be late. Would Nadine even still want to see us? And then out of nowhere appeared a physician’s assistant who walked us to the right place. Right on time. His name? James – which has very important significance to Allan (and me) from a spiritual standpoint.

James 1:16-17 (MSG) says “So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every good and perfect gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light.” (Interesting side notes: Luke means “light giver”. In addition, in the Catholic tradition, St. Luke is considered the patron saint of physicians. Hmmmm…..)

(3) Rose, the NICU nurse on shift when Luke was discharged, sensed my anxiety about being alone out here when Allan returned home. She made sure I had her personal cell number when we left the hospital and told me to call her anytime if I had a question or a concern about Luke. Seriously?? I currently work in health care, and my personal cell number hasn’t gone out to a patient EVER.

(4) Hands down our favorite NICU security guard was Brittany. She made sure every security shift had our information so we didn’t have to jump through the same hoops every time. NICU security isn’t (and shouldn’t be) taken lightly to say the least. Brittany referred to Allan and me every day as “her family”. She was a great comfort to us so many stressful miles away from anyone or anything familiar.

the surfer dude

God hinted at Luke’s arrival through others before we even knew about him, too. Some friends from our church community asked if they could spend time praying around our adoption on our behalf. This was well before our adoption team ever called to say, “Surprise – get on a plane!” I had pretty much given up hope that an adoption was ever going to happen for us by that point, and I had privately started the grieving process. Remember, we were four and a half years in at this point with NO serious leads. Still, I never turn down earnest prayer support. So, sure. Have at it. I’m about all prayed out.

Part of that grieving process for me included getting rid of all the visual reminders. We quietly gave away several “bigger ticket” baby items and bags of prepared baby clothes to a local non-profit. I also placed a few baby items online to sell. My heavy heart assumed we weren’t going to need those things. Ever. Oh, heavy heart, hang in there!

So, back to the whole friends praying thing. Our friend reportedly got a “vision” of a man riding a surf board on the waves and shared that with us. What in the world? I have to admit – I thought that was the oddest thing to “see” during a prayer time. I really didn’t give it much more thought. Nice of our friends to serve us this way and all, but clearly God had changed His mind about calling us to adopt. We needed to move on. I told Allan the surfer dude imagery must mean that I need a beach vacation. Truth in that! I was spent.

riding the waves

Let’s look at the timeline that followed. Our friend got imagery of a surfer on May 13th/14th. Allan and I had to make a decision whether or not to commit to our adoption facilitators for another six months by May 21st. We signed that paperwork on the last day possible, although we committed with the understanding that I would use that six months to “say good-bye”. I needed to gently ease out of the process. I was not emotionally ready to just quit cold turkey. Besides, something about that surfer imagery just kept nagging at me. Nadine contacted our adoption team for the first time the next day on May 22nd. She was in labor with Luke seven days later on May 29th. We received our sudden and unexpected phone call to fly to sunny California – the quintessential surfer dude state – the very same hour!

As if that wasn’t enough to get our attention, at least two unrelated people (who didn’t yet know the surfer dude story) reassured us in those first crazy days by using the phrase “riding the waves”. RIDING THE WAVES! Each time I heard those exact words, I noticed and knew God’s signature was all over it. He has left no detail untouched right down to the sparrow and the surfer dude.

I will send another update in a day or two as I’m able. Tomorrow’s agenda is Luke’s first pediatrician appointment. And naps – hopefully lots of naps. Please continue to lift us up in prayer, especially now that Allan has returned home. Thank you for being on our team!

Love, Melissa

Tune in December 22nd for the next installment in this series!

Featured image by Susanne Jutzeler, suju-foto from Pixabay.

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Adoptive placement but not yet our son.

by Melissa Holderby on category ,

Here is your third December sprinkle of encouragement! This is my third email home from Sacramento dated 6/3/2018. At this point, Luke was technically considered an “adoptive placement” with our family, however not our son. In other words, he was living with us under our care and as our son in our hearts, but his adoption could not yet be finalized legally in a court of law. Actually that process would end up taking another LONG fourteen months! Everything in California felt like it was happening at lightening speed when I originally typed these words. I’m so glad I wrote everything down.

my third email home (6/3/2018)

Whew! The past 36 hours have been crazy. Good but crazy. Here are the highlights…

luke leaves the hospital

Luke was discharged from the hospital on Saturday afternoon. Considering his physical condition when he was born, it is quite remarkable. Your prayers for Luke’s health were no doubt a huge part of his speedy progress!

nadine signs the paperwork

Nadine signed the relinquishment paperwork Saturday afternoon as well. That means that she has signed over her parental rights to us. In the State of California, she had three options related to revoking her relinquishment or “changing her mind”.

  1. Place a 7-day hold on the paperwork.
  2. Place a 30-day hold on the paperwork.
  3. Waive option #1 and #2 and declare immediate effect.

Nadine chose option #3 to waive her revocation options and declare immediate effect. That means that the paperwork goes to the State of California Monday morning to be “stamped”.

the social workers start ICPC

Those signed papers also mean that our social workers in both states can start the process (called ICPC) to get Luke clearance to leave California. ICPC stands for Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children. Essentially, ICPC allows for the legal transport of a child from one state to another in a foster or adoption placement. ICPC should take about a week or so depending on any red tape. I will be happy to have Luke on Ohio soil, be reunited with my family and sleep in my own bed (even for just a few hours at a time).

the facilitator plans lunch

Our adoption facilitator said that Nadine was very positive at the relinquishment signing about us and about Luke’s future. She wants to stay in touch with us throughout Luke’s life with updates and photos (we want that as well). Nadine also wants me, Luke and our facilitator to meet her for lunch before I leave with Luke to return home. I think fish tacos are being discussed. Nadine does love this little boy.

allan returns home

Allan left to fly home to Ohio earlier today (Sunday). He has to get back to work, take back control of our house and prepare some things for a newborn’s arrival. Hannah and Colin have been holding down the fort with the supervision of my parents. It’s time for their dad to come back so our older two can just be teenagers again.

not yet “ours”

Several of you have asked if Luke is now officially “ours”. The short answer is “not yet”. Living with our family is officially considered an adoptive placement at this point, and Luke is not yet our son. We cannot legally finalize his adoption by California law for at least six months. It ended up being fourteen actually. Several more things have to happen between now and then, including the lawyer working with Luke’s birth father.

I am going to let God and our legal team here in Sacramento worry about that process. If I think too hard about it, I will let fear creep into my heart and it has no place there. The phrase I am told to keep in mind is “cautiously optimistic”. Any of this can still change on a dime. Truth be told, I don’t care if the paperwork refers to Luke as our adoptive placement and not yet our son. I’ve already fallen head over heels for this little boy. I think I passed “cautiously optimistic” several days ago. Prayer support for Nadine’s well being and a smooth legal process would be greatly appreciated!

one hour at a time

I will send another update in a day or so. I’m adjusting to being here in the hotel with Luke by myself. He’s a good little sidekick!

I am taking all of this one hour at a time, and just focusing on the next immediate step. Right now Luke is sleeping in the stroller while I do laundry. I had forgotten how much laundry one teeny person can generate!

Thank you for all of your love and support. We are able to move forward because we know we have our army at home covering this in prayer. Luke is peaceful tonight and so am I!

Love, Melissa

Our fourth sprinkle of encouragement will be delivered to you fresh from the oven on 12/16/2019. We are especially excited to share this one! Do you believe that God sends us personal messages? We certainly do after everything we have experienced. Stay tuned next week for “the sparrow and the surfer dude“.

Image by braetschit from Pixabay.

Meeting Nadine for the first time.

by Melissa Holderby on category ,

Today’s blog post covers some pretty miraculous events, including meeting Nadine (the woman who gave birth to Luke) for the first time. The post is adapted from the second email I sent home after Luke was born. I originally wrote these words on 6/2/2018.

We will also hear about a rather miraculous sum of money falling out of the sky. And meeting our adoption team in person after four and a half years of phone calls, emails and texts. Also, telling the NICU staff about our army back home. Remembering all these details still makes me emotional.

Ready for today’s encouragement sprinkle cookie? Read on!

my second email home (6/2/2018)

It seems the only time I have to send updates collectively to our army back home is in the early morning hours. We are trying to keep up with text messages but are finding that tricky. Appointments with the social worker. Messages from the lawyer. Phone calls with our adoption agency. A newborn in the NICU. We are in the middle of our own version of “The Amazing Race” (our favorite TV show to watch together)!

here’s the latest…

Luke is doing amazingly well at the hospital. His IV was discontinued 5/31. Yesterday (6/1) he ate like a champ and the tube in his nose was removed. He is now only being monitored for heart rate, respiratory rate and oxygen levels. We anticipate him being discharged from the hospital this weekend if he continues his miraculous progress.

$3,200 in TWO hours (plus more)

Speaking of miracles (and we are seeing them every day here), the $3,200 we needed in twelve hours fell out of the sky in TWO hours. Let’s sit on that for a moment and not let that miracle pass us by. I thought it was bold and a little crazy to ask God for $3,200 in twelve hours. He sent it in two hours. And from sources we did NOT anticipate.

Not only that, the money was followed by the entire additional amount we needed by the end of the weekend. Everyone here in Sacramento has been paid in full.

PAID. IN. FULL.

But God wasn’t satisfied with just that. No, He also sent enough provision for us to fly Allan back home on Sunday. It’s as if He is saying to us, “Do not underestimate Me. I will take care of you. Trust Me.” God is stamping his signature all over this situation in crazy, crazy ways. It is incredibly humbling to be on the receiving end of such undeserved grace.

meeting Nadine for the first time

Nadine is the woman who gave birth to Luke. Yesterday was an emotional but wonderful day in that we spent part of it meeting Nadine for the first time. Everything between us had gone through our adoption facilitators up to that point. We had never even texted or spoken with her over the phone.

We spent about 15 minutes with her at the hospital where she gave birth to Luke. The doctor discharged her home a few hours after our meeting. Nadine and I were hugging and crying by the end of the visit. We all prayed together before we parted ways, too.

Since then Nadine asked the adoption facilitator if we could communicate directly by text. We of course agreed. Nadine sent us a lovely message about how much it meant to her that we wanted to meet her in person. She talked about how grateful she is that Luke would be safe and happy with our family.

Nadine loves Luke and wants him to have a good life. She is a sweet soul. Even if we were meeting Nadine for the first time under completely different circumstances, I would still want to be her friend.

meeting our adoption team

Oh, and our adoption facilitators who we have been working with since 2013? Their office is in California, although they work nationally. In other words, we could have been matched with a baby from anywhere in the United States. We were prepared to travel anywhere in the country to meet our son or daughter. Crazy that Luke was born just five minutes across the highway from our adoption team’s office. No kidding. We could see the roof of the adoption office out the window of the hospital.

So, Allan and I got to meet the folks in person yesterday who we have been so closely working with all these years. Suddenly they are not just people I talk to on the phone or e-mail or interact with online. They are actually three dimensional humans!

Our adoption team said the same thing about us. The couple from Ohio who they have only ever seen in photos was standing in their office. Now the experts can directly facilitate things for/with Nadine/us in person instead of remotely like we had always expected. There may have been more hugging and crying. We are so blessed that the facilitator (Veronica) working with Nadine was able to be in the room when we met Nadine face-to-face before she was discharged from the hospital! We told Veronica that she was like the third wheel on the most awkward first date of all time!

The facilitator (Patty) working with us as hopeful adoptive parents was on an extended leave when we visited. I made sure Luke and I took a pic at her desk.

the immediate agenda

Our agenda for today involves three things. (1) Getting the car seat properly installed into the rental car. (2) Moving into a more extended-stay hotel setting with a laundry and kitchenette. (3) Loving on that baby. Nadine is supposed to sign relinquishment paperwork today at 3pm PST. Allan leaves Sunday afternoon to return to Cincinnati. As soon as Luke is cleared to leave California (maybe another week?), I will be bringing him home.

covered by an army

We are so deeply grateful for your prayers and your support. One of the NICU nurses said to us yesterday, “You are both so calm!” Allan told her that we are covered in prayer by an army back home and God is opening every door. The random Bible verse that popped up on my phone this morning was Isaiah 41:13. (Not random at all to me!)

“For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.”

Keep those prayers coming, friends. God is using them!

Love, Melissa

A note about Nadine

I changed Luke’s birth mom’s name in this (and subsequent) blog posts to “Nadine”. It does not seem right to continue to refer to her as just Luke’s birth mom. Yet, I still want to protect her privacy, so I changed her name. I also want to be sensitive about using terms like “birth mother” when they don’t apply.

For example, a woman who is pregnant and considering an adoption plan is NOT a birth mom. She is an expectant mother who is weighing her options. Likewise, a woman who has given birth to a child is NOT a birth mom until she legally terminates her parental rights as part of an adoption plan. That had not yet happened as of my second email home on 6/2/2018.

Even more importantly, Nadine is so much more than that to us. She is an important part of our family. I love her and will always safeguard her heart. Maybe someday she will co-author a post with me. That would be amazing!

Our next blog post – and our third sprinkle of encouragement to you – will publish on December 11th. We will answer a BIG question in that post. Until then, be encouraged and know that you are loved!

Featured image by Parentingupstream from Pixabay.

Meeting Luke for the first time.

by Melissa Holderby on category ,

I thought it would be fun to share our initial few days after our youngest son was unexpectedly born on the other side of the country. Yes, you read that correctly. He joined our family through open domestic adoption, and the whole story is quite remarkable. Meeting Luke for the first time was so surreal, especially after waiting for him for nearly FIVE YEARS. We almost gave up and missed him completely. Below is the email I sent out to friends and family on 5/31/2018. I am so glad I saved every precious word. Enjoy our first sprinkle of encouragement!

my first email home (5/31/2018)

It is almost 6am in Cincinnati, but only 3am here in California. I cannot sleep at all. And so, I am stealing a rare moment to myself to (1) send out an “official” update and (2) make you aware of an urgent prayer need. Thank you for showing me grace about a group email instead of a more personal text, message or call. There just isn’t time and everything is moving at lightning speed.

drop everything and FLY

Allan and I left everything (and everybody) in Ohio and flew to Sacramento yesterday to meet the little guy pictured below. He was born on 05/29/2018 in the afternoon – 6lb 5.5 oz. He had some early struggles. So, the medical team transferred him quickly to a larger hospital with a NICU. The NICU nurse took this photo within an hour of us meeting Luke for the first time.

His birthmom has asked us to name him, so “Baby Boy K” is now  “Luke Holderby” (middle name TBD). Luke means light giving.  That is what I’m going to speak over his sweet little soul for the rest of my life. “Luke” also hints at “Skywalker”, which Allan assures me has nothing to do with our choice of name. I’m not sure I entirely believe him.

a view from the NICU

Luke (not Skywalker) was born in some distress and originally needed a little help from a c-pap to breathe efficiently. He quickly weaned off the machine, and he is holding his own on room air. He is also now able to maintain his own body temperature. So, he got promoted to a regular NICU bed last night before we left the hospital. He is on IV antibiotics as a precaution as well as IV fluids. The doctor will hopefully discontinue Luke’s IV today (5/31) – all the tubes are bigger than his little wrist. He is not yet eating by mouth – he is too sleepy around the clock to effectively suck/swallow. So, he has a teeny little nose tube for tube feedings. His other end is working gloriously! He had a total diaper blowout all over Allan yesterday and then I swear smiled about it.

Will you please pray for Luke, his birthmom, the NICU team, the adoption professionals, and us? As I am sure you can imagine, this is a delicate and emotional process for everybody.

red tape slows the process

We especially need God’s provision to fall out of the sky in miracle fashion. Red tape is bogging down our financial resources for paying the attorney and the social worker in California. Needless to say, they don’t work if they haven’t been paid. As a result, we need the funds NOW. Specifically pray that a $3,200 miracle shows up by the end of the business day today (5/31). That is not the entire sum, but that is the desperate immediate need in the next twelve hours to move this process forward.

Thank you for being a part of our journey. Meeting Luke for the first time has been a miracle in itself. We are exhausted and overwhelmed and so very happy all at the same time. We literally are taking everything one hour at a time. Once we break through the financial red tape, the road opens up a little wider for us. And then Luke can get clearance to return to Ohio to await adoption finalization as a Holderby.

Boldly pray this up, okay?
We love you guys!

Melissa

Tune in on December 6th for the answer to bold prayers and our adventure meeting Luke’s birth mom for the very first time.

Featured image by Rainer Maiores from Pixabay.

December holiday cookies with decorative sugar sprinkles

Sprinkles of encouragement for December.

by Melissa Holderby on category ,

We are busily preparing some sprinkles of encouragement for you for December. Think of it as our plate of homemade holiday cookies to you. Let’s start off with our recipe (plan) for doing that. I like to know what’s coming next, don’t you?

Every December is typically chock full of extra things on our calendars. Holiday parties. Shopping. Baking. School events. Relatives we rarely see. Increased volunteering opportunities. Making our lists and checking them twice.

All positive things for us, hopefully. Sometimes not. December can also mean squeezed budgets. Too much sugar. Too little sleep. Increased end of the year demands at work. Separation from loved ones. Loneliness.

Good, bad or neutral, this last month of the calendar year still often means extra pressure. So, we thought we’d open up part of our family’s story to you that many have never seen or heard. In other words, we want to offer you some sprinkles of encouragement in December.

six sprinkles

Our youngest son – Luke – joined our family through open adoption. When he was born in California, we dropped everything and went. He came as a sweet surprise after a very long wait. A four and a half year wait to be exact. When the sudden phone call came announcing our adoption placement match with Luke, I almost sprinted the 2,300 road miles to get to him. However, Allan wisely suggested we take a plane. Turns out the distance by air is only 1,988 miles. So, I guess Allan had the more reasonable reaction.

Speaking of air travel, gate B17 at our outbound airport held a very meaningful surprise, which we will tell you about in this series. Stay tuned for sprinkle #4 on December 16th titled, “the sparrow and the surfer dude“. It’s probably my favorite sprinkle of all.

I wrote six email updates home from Sacramento covering the ten days we were in California. Those emails cover some wildly miraculous events. And I do mean WILD. We will share those with you publicly throughout the next month beginning this coming Sunday. Six emails means six December blog posts. In other words, six “sprinkled cookies” of encouragement from us to you. Our first cookie comes out of the oven on December 1st. We hope you enjoy it and the sweetness that follows!

All of us here at the thankful bee sincerely wish you hope, joy and humor this holiday season. Be encouraged!

Featured image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay.

About the Author Melissa Holderby

Wife. Mother. Friend. Daughter. Sister.
Spiritual warrior. Outgoing introvert.
A beautiful mess.

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