When God said we had “room for one more” at the table, I laughed and ignored Him. Then He took us on an unexpected adventure that changed our family forever. And most people thought we were crazy.
Truthfully, we understood most people being skeptical. Folks were justifiably perplexed about our motives to pursue adoption. After all, we had healthy and happy teenage kids with an empty nest in sight. And that certainly begged the question – Why start all over (at our ages)? Fair enough.
Oh, I get that not many people are called to actual adoption. The point of this post is NOT to convince you to become an adoptive or foster parent. (Although that would be awesome!) Rather, the actual point is to offer some encouragement and practical steps you can tuck away for the moments when you need to keep moving forward on your own rocky path. Or perhaps you haven’t even taken the first scary step on your own adventure because you are too nervous to get out of your secure and familiar seat. So, here is a boost, friend. Be encouraged.
why in the world?!?
Allan and I had talked about adoption before we were even married. We knew we both wanted to have children, no matter how God chose to send them to us. When our daughter and then son were born, we frankly never considered adoption again. We often talked about having a third biological child, but the circumstances were never “right”. We had one girl and one boy, and were content to just be content. As our kids continued to get older, we assumed our family was finished growing. Then 2013 happened.
Shortly after the start of 2013, I kept getting a very specific nudge in my heart – “You have room for one more“. The same phrase over and over. “You have room for one more.” But one more WHAT exactly? One more vacation? Yes, please! Or does this mean one more professional degree. Not sure about that one. I already feel stretched pretty thin at work. One more volunteer role at church, perhaps? Hmmmm.
So I prayed on it and waited. And then the phrase started to come into more focus. “You have room for one more AT YOUR TABLE. One more CHILD. You are not finished parenting.” Whoa! Hold it right there, Lord. Pull back hard on those reins. That is NOT in the game plan. And not unlike Sarah in the Old Testament, I literally laughed out loud at the prospect. Seriously, what a ludicrous idea. “Room for one more” at the table. Bah!
I told God there was no way at my age and in my situation that I was EVER going to have another child. No way! We were content to be content, remember? Allan and I had actually started dreaming a little about what our empty-nest retirement may look like, not about committing another 18+ years to having kids in the house. But that persistent voice… “You have room for one more (at the table)”.
I kept my secret
Long story short, I ignored that nagging little voice and kept stone silent on the matter. I never said anything to my husband or my mother or my best friend. Not one peep. It was a certifiably insane proposition. Thanks, God, but no thanks. I am perfectly fine with my own plan. Thank you anyway.
Summer 2013 came and was nearly over. I had gotten fairly good at (politely) telling the Creator/King of the universe that I was not interested in His idea. My family was enjoying a last summer day at a local amusement park, and our teen-age kids were enjoying a whirly-twirly ride. One that makes me puke in my “older” age, so I sat that one out. Allan and I were parked on a nearby bench, supervising and sharing an over-priced iced lemonade. Relaxed. Content to be content. Or so I thought.
That’s when I casually noticed an cute baby nearby in a stroller and pointed her out to Allan – something I did frequently because Allan and I both adore kids. Allan looked at the baby, looked at me and very calmly said, “There’s something I need to say to you. Just hear me out.” Uh, oh. “I feel strongly that God is telling me that we have room for one more” (at the table).
Wait…. WHAT?!?!?! Clearly I couldn’t continue to ignore what I’d been sensing in my heart for many months. And clearly we had some serious things to discuss for our family’s future. Our family’s roller coaster of an adoption journey officially started a few months later.
We waited over four years
Fast forward. We waited over four years without even a possible adoption match. In other words, no contact of any serious interest. We had a few “casual” situations mentioned through friends of friends, but never anything that progressed beyond a text message or two.
The weight on my shoulders was sometimes so heavy I could hardly breathe. We gambled half of our retirement savings on a whispered promise. “You have room for one more” (at the table). We turned our family upside down to pursue adoption despite all logical reasons to just stay content being content. And on top of all that, my heart was on fire with genuine longing to mother a third child. I already loved a little soul I hadn’t even met yet. Sometimes THAT feeling took my breath away, too.
Motivation to keep going
At the low points when we considered “giving up”, I tried a few strategies to calm my soul and regain clarity. For example, some days I sat in the nursery rocking chair and prayed or read my Bible. Most days I left the nursery door shut and told myself that a miracle was being constructed in there. And at my absolute darkest moments, I felt foolish and forgotten. Angry at God for enticing me onto this journey and angry at myself for allowing my heart to be vulnerable. Perhaps you’ve felt that way at some low point in your life, too? I see you, friend.
In those darkest moments, I often thought about another, lesser known woman in the Old Testament. Remember Noah? Yeah, the guy with the ark and the flood. Well, maybe Noah’s wife felt the same way. I can imagine her shaking her clenched fist at God in her doubt and frustration, “We built the ark you specified, now where is the *&%$# rain?!?!?” That always brought a little half smile onto my face.
If He said it, you can trust it.
So, there is our answer as to “WHY”. We definitely got down some days. In fact, some days in particular I was dangerously down. Watch for blog posts coming later this Spring about dealing with rejection, identity and other storms. Being obedient to God’s call for our life does not guarantee freedom from hardship or heartbreak. But we also believe Him to be a good, good Father. One who calls us out of the safety of our boat and onto the rough waters for reasons we often cannot fathom in the middle of the upheaval. We held fast to the promise that He would never abandon us when we follow Him into the unknown.
Here are some of the Bible verses I clung to like life preservers when the going got rough.
- “God is walking ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry.” – Deuteronomy 31:8 (MSG)
- “Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” – Joshua 1:9 (MSG)
- And perhaps my favorite of all, Matthew 10: 29-31. “For only a penny you can buy two sparrows, yet not one sparrow falls to the ground without your Father’s consent. As for you, even the hairs of your head have all been counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth much more than many sparrows!” (GNT) Actually, sparrows became an unexpected recurring theme for us – quite literally!
Do you hear that whisper? Listen!
What do you sense planted in YOUR heart? What great possibility would you act upon if fear and human expectation didn’t limit you? Go on that mission trip? Maybe start your own business? Leave that unhealthy relationship behind? Extend forgiveness to the person who hasn’t earned it?
If God has whispered that thing to you, first pray on it. Secondly, seek wise counsel. Then make your move accordingly. God is with you for the long haul. He loves you, and He has good plans for you. Plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) He gave you life to be experienced richly, abundantly and to the full (John 10:10).
Don’t stay on autopilot, content to just be content. There is more for you. Get out of your comfortable seat. Go!
Adapted from original 7/10/2016 Facebook post. Featured image by Katja S. Verhoeven from Pixabay.
