the thankful bee • Page 6 of 6 • Finding hope, joy and humor in our everyday.

The sparrow and the surfer dude.

by Melissa Holderby on Dec 16, 2019 category birth to ICPC, Our adoption journey

Today’s post is the fourth in our December series of encouragement. My fourth email from Sacramento was originally dated 6/5/2018. Re-reading my own words over a year later, I can tell I am more relaxed in this message home than the first email. Heck, I am musing about the weather and Target in this one. That almost has a ring of normalcy to it! What does NOT feel like “every day” are the absolutely true stories in this post about the sparrow and the surfer dude.

Minds open? Let’s go!

my fourth email home (6/5/2018)

I have now survived 36 hours on my own in California with Luke. We are getting to know each other quite well! I am starting to be able to “read his signals”, and I think he may be getting used to me as well. Thank goodness he is patient and relaxed! I am excited to share with you the stories about the sparrow and the surfer dude. I promise every unbelievable word is 100% true.

dry heat is still HOT

We haven’t ventured out much mostly because it is 100 degrees here. I don’t care what anybody says about “dry heat” versus humidity. It is blazing HOT! Luke and I did make a quick run to Target today to return an item and look for something we needed. The Target is less than two miles from the hotel, but I was still nervous. It was comforting to me to be in such a familiar environment – all Targets look the same on the inside. Aside from the couple of people I saw wearing Oakland A’s baseball hats, we could have been shopping back home. No sparrow or surfer dude yet. Keep reading.

Nadine picks her name

Nadine texted today to check on me and Luke since Allan went back to Ohio. We had a very nice chat. We talked about several things including what she would like for Luke to call her. Some adoptees use the term “tummy mom”. Or “first mom”. Or “Mommy (insert first name)“. Nadine feels most comfortable with Luke calling her simply “Nadine”, so that’s what we shall do.

There are so many God-moments covering the past six days. I want to share my favorites (so far) with you. I know I promised you a sparrow and a surfer dude. Here they come!

worth more than many sparrows

You probably know that Allan and I did lots of adoption fundraising including the t-shirt with the sparrow design referencing Matthew 10:31. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. That Bible verse became our go-to through our adoption journey. Jesus is explaining to the disciples their (our) worth to God. Jesus makes the argument that if little birds can’t even land on the ground without God noticing, then how can He forget us, who are worth so much more to Him than many sparrows?

Naturally when we left Ohio to fly to California, I wore one of my fundraising sparrow t-shirts (pictured above). We were sitting inside the airport at gate B17 waiting to board our flight and we were both emotionally overwhelmed (terrified to be exact). Allan has a phobia about flying, too, so that added to the tension.

the sparrow in the airport

Low and behold, what landed on the armrest next to us inside the terminal? A SPARROW! It sat with us for a good five minutes or so and then flew off. Why in the world would a bird be inside the airport at our gate at that exact moment – and a sparrow to be specific???

I’ll tell you why. Because God is a Father who knows His children. He is sovereign over the entire universe, yet still knows each of us intimately enough to send exactly what we need exactly when we need it. Any time I start to let fear get the better of me out here, I remember that bird at the airport.

many more sparrows

God has sent several other “sparrows” to us in the form of the right people at the right time this week.

(1) The hospital social worker – Heather – secured a hotel room for us five minutes from the hospital for the three nights Luke was in the NICU – completely free of charge. We didn’t even have to ask. She just did it. What a blessing to be able to concentrate on Luke without worrying about a roof over our heads!

(2) We got hopelessly lost when we met Nadine for the first time in the hospital last Friday. There was so much construction in the parking lot we literally couldn’t find the correct entrance. We were gong to be late. Would Nadine even still want to see us? And then out of nowhere appeared a physician’s assistant who walked us to the right place. Right on time. His name? James – which has very important significance to Allan (and me) from a spiritual standpoint.

James 1:16-17 (MSG) says “So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every good and perfect gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light.” (Interesting side notes: Luke means “light giver”. In addition, in the Catholic tradition, St. Luke is considered the patron saint of physicians. Hmmmm…..)

(3) Rose, the NICU nurse on shift when Luke was discharged, sensed my anxiety about being alone out here when Allan returned home. She made sure I had her personal cell number when we left the hospital and told me to call her anytime if I had a question or a concern about Luke. Seriously?? I currently work in health care, and my personal cell number hasn’t gone out to a patient EVER.

(4) Hands down our favorite NICU security guard was Brittany. She made sure every security shift had our information so we didn’t have to jump through the same hoops every time. NICU security isn’t (and shouldn’t be) taken lightly to say the least. Brittany referred to Allan and me every day as “her family”. She was a great comfort to us so many stressful miles away from anyone or anything familiar.

the surfer dude

God hinted at Luke’s arrival through others before we even knew about him, too. Some friends from our church community asked if they could spend time praying around our adoption on our behalf. This was well before our adoption team ever called to say, “Surprise – get on a plane!” I had pretty much given up hope that an adoption was ever going to happen for us by that point, and I had privately started the grieving process. Remember, we were four and a half years in at this point with NO serious leads. Still, I never turn down earnest prayer support. So, sure. Have at it. I’m about all prayed out.

Part of that grieving process for me included getting rid of all the visual reminders. We quietly gave away several “bigger ticket” baby items and bags of prepared baby clothes to a local non-profit. I also placed a few baby items online to sell. My heavy heart assumed we weren’t going to need those things. Ever. Oh, heavy heart, hang in there!

So, back to the whole friends praying thing. Our friend reportedly got a “vision” of a man riding a surf board on the waves and shared that with us. What in the world? I have to admit – I thought that was the oddest thing to “see” during a prayer time. I really didn’t give it much more thought. Nice of our friends to serve us this way and all, but clearly God had changed His mind about calling us to adopt. We needed to move on. I told Allan the surfer dude imagery must mean that I need a beach vacation. Truth in that! I was spent.

riding the waves

Let’s look at the timeline that followed. Our friend got imagery of a surfer on May 13th/14th. Allan and I had to make a decision whether or not to commit to our adoption facilitators for another six months by May 21st. We signed that paperwork on the last day possible, although we committed with the understanding that I would use that six months to “say good-bye”. I needed to gently ease out of the process. I was not emotionally ready to just quit cold turkey. Besides, something about that surfer imagery just kept nagging at me. Nadine contacted our adoption team for the first time the next day on May 22nd. She was in labor with Luke seven days later on May 29th. We received our sudden and unexpected phone call to fly to sunny California – the quintessential surfer dude state – the very same hour!

As if that wasn’t enough to get our attention, at least two unrelated people (who didn’t yet know the surfer dude story) reassured us in those first crazy days by using the phrase “riding the waves”. RIDING THE WAVES! Each time I heard those exact words, I noticed and knew God’s signature was all over it. He has left no detail untouched right down to the sparrow and the surfer dude.

I will send another update in a day or two as I’m able. Tomorrow’s agenda is Luke’s first pediatrician appointment. And naps – hopefully lots of naps. Please continue to lift us up in prayer, especially now that Allan has returned home. Thank you for being on our team!

Love, Melissa

Tune in December 22nd for the next installment in this series!

Featured image by Susanne Jutzeler, suju-foto from Pixabay.

Adoptive placement but not yet our son.

by Melissa Holderby on Dec 11, 2019 category birth to ICPC, Our adoption journey

Here is your third December sprinkle of encouragement! This is my third email home from Sacramento dated 6/3/2018. At this point, Luke was technically considered an “adoptive placement” with our family, however not our son. In other words, he was living with us under our care and as our son in our hearts, but his adoption could not yet be finalized legally in a court of law. Actually that process would end up taking another LONG fourteen months! Everything in California felt like it was happening at lightening speed when I originally typed these words. I’m so glad I wrote everything down.

my third email home (6/3/2018)

Whew! The past 36 hours have been crazy. Good but crazy. Here are the highlights…

luke leaves the hospital

Luke was discharged from the hospital on Saturday afternoon. Considering his physical condition when he was born, it is quite remarkable. Your prayers for Luke’s health were no doubt a huge part of his speedy progress!

nadine signs the paperwork

Nadine signed the relinquishment paperwork Saturday afternoon as well. That means that she has signed over her parental rights to us. In the State of California, she had three options related to revoking her relinquishment or “changing her mind”.

Place a 7-day hold on the paperwork.
Place a 30-day hold on the paperwork.
Waive option #1 and #2 and declare immediate effect.

Nadine chose option #3 to waive her revocation options and declare immediate effect. That means that the paperwork goes to the State of California Monday morning to be “stamped”.

the social workers start ICPC

Those signed papers also mean that our social workers in both states can start the process (called ICPC) to get Luke clearance to leave California. ICPC stands for Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children. Essentially, ICPC allows for the legal transport of a child from one state to another in a foster or adoption placement. ICPC should take about a week or so depending on any red tape. I will be happy to have Luke on Ohio soil, be reunited with my family and sleep in my own bed (even for just a few hours at a time).

the facilitator plans lunch

Our adoption facilitator said that Nadine was very positive at the relinquishment signing about us and about Luke’s future. She wants to stay in touch with us throughout Luke’s life with updates and photos (we want that as well). Nadine also wants me, Luke and our facilitator to meet her for lunch before I leave with Luke to return home. I think fish tacos are being discussed. Nadine does love this little boy.

allan returns home

Allan left to fly home to Ohio earlier today (Sunday). He has to get back to work, take back control of our house and prepare some things for a newborn’s arrival. Hannah and Colin have been holding down the fort with the supervision of my parents. It’s time for their dad to come back so our older two can just be teenagers again.

not yet “ours”

Several of you have asked if Luke is now officially “ours”. The short answer is “not yet”. Living with our family is officially considered an adoptive placement at this point, and Luke is not yet our son. We cannot legally finalize his adoption by California law for at least six months. It ended up being fourteen actually. Several more things have to happen between now and then, including the lawyer working with Luke’s birth father.

I am going to let God and our legal team here in Sacramento worry about that process. If I think too hard about it, I will let fear creep into my heart and it has no place there. The phrase I am told to keep in mind is “cautiously optimistic”. Any of this can still change on a dime. Truth be told, I don’t care if the paperwork refers to Luke as our adoptive placement and not yet our son. I’ve already fallen head over heels for this little boy. I think I passed “cautiously optimistic” several days ago. Prayer support for Nadine’s well being and a smooth legal process would be greatly appreciated!

one hour at a time

I will send another update in a day or so. I’m adjusting to being here in the hotel with Luke by myself. He’s a good little sidekick!

I am taking all of this one hour at a time, and just focusing on the next immediate step. Right now Luke is sleeping in the stroller while I do laundry. I had forgotten how much laundry one teeny person can generate!

Thank you for all of your love and support. We are able to move forward because we know we have our army at home covering this in prayer. Luke is peaceful tonight and so am I!

Love, Melissa

Our fourth sprinkle of encouragement will be delivered to you fresh from the oven on 12/16/2019. We are especially excited to share this one! Do you believe that God sends us personal messages? We certainly do after everything we have experienced. Stay tuned next week for “the sparrow and the surfer dude“.

Image by braetschit from Pixabay.

Meeting Nadine for the first time.

by Melissa Holderby on Dec 6, 2019 category birth to ICPC, Our adoption journey

Today’s blog post covers some pretty miraculous events, including meeting Nadine (the woman who gave birth to Luke) for the first time. The post is adapted from the second email I sent home after Luke was born. I originally wrote these words on 6/2/2018.

We will also hear about a rather miraculous sum of money falling out of the sky. And meeting our adoption team in person after four and a half years of phone calls, emails and texts. Also, telling the NICU staff about our army back home. Remembering all these details still makes me emotional.

Ready for today’s encouragement sprinkle cookie? Read on!

my second email home (6/2/2018)

It seems the only time I have to send updates collectively to our army back home is in the early morning hours. We are trying to keep up with text messages but are finding that tricky. Appointments with the social worker. Messages from the lawyer. Phone calls with our adoption agency. A newborn in the NICU. We are in the middle of our own version of “The Amazing Race” (our favorite TV show to watch together)!

here’s the latest…

Luke is doing amazingly well at the hospital. His IV was discontinued 5/31. Yesterday (6/1) he ate like a champ and the tube in his nose was removed. He is now only being monitored for heart rate, respiratory rate and oxygen levels. We anticipate him being discharged from the hospital this weekend if he continues his miraculous progress.

$3,200 in TWO hours (plus more)

Speaking of miracles (and we are seeing them every day here), the $3,200 we needed in twelve hours fell out of the sky in TWO hours. Let’s sit on that for a moment and not let that miracle pass us by. I thought it was bold and a little crazy to ask God for $3,200 in twelve hours. He sent it in two hours. And from sources we did NOT anticipate.

Not only that, the money was followed by the entire additional amount we needed by the end of the weekend. Everyone here in Sacramento has been paid in full.

PAID. IN. FULL.

But God wasn’t satisfied with just that. No, He also sent enough provision for us to fly Allan back home on Sunday. It’s as if He is saying to us, “Do not underestimate Me. I will take care of you. Trust Me.” God is stamping his signature all over this situation in crazy, crazy ways. It is incredibly humbling to be on the receiving end of such undeserved grace.

meeting Nadine for the first time

Nadine is the woman who gave birth to Luke. Yesterday was an emotional but wonderful day in that we spent part of it meeting Nadine for the first time. Everything between us had gone through our adoption facilitators up to that point. We had never even texted or spoken with her over the phone.

We spent about 15 minutes with her at the hospital where she gave birth to Luke. The doctor discharged her home a few hours after our meeting. Nadine and I were hugging and crying by the end of the visit. We all prayed together before we parted ways, too.

Since then Nadine asked the adoption facilitator if we could communicate directly by text. We of course agreed. Nadine sent us a lovely message about how much it meant to her that we wanted to meet her in person. She talked about how grateful she is that Luke would be safe and happy with our family.

Nadine loves Luke and wants him to have a good life. She is a sweet soul. Even if we were meeting Nadine for the first time under completely different circumstances, I would still want to be her friend.

meeting our adoption team

Oh, and our adoption facilitators who we have been working with since 2013? Their office is in California, although they work nationally. In other words, we could have been matched with a baby from anywhere in the United States. We were prepared to travel anywhere in the country to meet our son or daughter. Crazy that Luke was born just five minutes across the highway from our adoption team’s office. No kidding. We could see the roof of the adoption office out the window of the hospital.

So, Allan and I got to meet the folks in person yesterday who we have been so closely working with all these years. Suddenly they are not just people I talk to on the phone or e-mail or interact with online. They are actually three dimensional humans!

Our adoption team said the same thing about us. The couple from Ohio who they have only ever seen in photos was standing in their office. Now the experts can directly facilitate things for/with Nadine/us in person instead of remotely like we had always expected. There may have been more hugging and crying. We are so blessed that the facilitator (Veronica) working with Nadine was able to be in the room when we met Nadine face-to-face before she was discharged from the hospital! We told Veronica that she was like the third wheel on the most awkward first date of all time!

The facilitator (Patty) working with us as hopeful adoptive parents was on an extended leave when we visited. I made sure Luke and I took a pic at her desk.

the immediate agenda

Our agenda for today involves three things. (1) Getting the car seat properly installed into the rental car. (2) Moving into a more extended-stay hotel setting with a laundry and kitchenette. (3) Loving on that baby. Nadine is supposed to sign relinquishment paperwork today at 3pm PST. Allan leaves Sunday afternoon to return to Cincinnati. As soon as Luke is cleared to leave California (maybe another week?), I will be bringing him home.

covered by an army

We are so deeply grateful for your prayers and your support. One of the NICU nurses said to us yesterday, “You are both so calm!” Allan told her that we are covered in prayer by an army back home and God is opening every door. The random Bible verse that popped up on my phone this morning was Isaiah 41:13. (Not random at all to me!)

“For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.”

Keep those prayers coming, friends. God is using them!

Love, Melissa

A note about Nadine

I changed Luke’s birth mom’s name in this (and subsequent) blog posts to “Nadine”. It does not seem right to continue to refer to her as just Luke’s birth mom. Yet, I still want to protect her privacy, so I changed her name. I also want to be sensitive about using terms like “birth mother” when they don’t apply.

For example, a woman who is pregnant and considering an adoption plan is NOT a birth mom. She is an expectant mother who is weighing her options. Likewise, a woman who has given birth to a child is NOT a birth mom until she legally terminates her parental rights as part of an adoption plan. That had not yet happened as of my second email home on 6/2/2018.

Even more importantly, Nadine is so much more than that to us. She is an important part of our family. I love her and will always safeguard her heart. Maybe someday she will co-author a post with me. That would be amazing!

Our next blog post – and our third sprinkle of encouragement to you – will publish on December 11th. We will answer a BIG question in that post. Until then, be encouraged and know that you are loved!

Featured image by Parentingupstream from Pixabay.

Meeting Luke for the first time.

by Melissa Holderby on Dec 1, 2019 category birth to ICPC, Our adoption journey

I thought it would be fun to share our initial few days after our youngest son was unexpectedly born on the other side of the country. Yes, you read that correctly. He joined our family through open domestic adoption, and the whole story is quite remarkable. Meeting Luke for the first time was so surreal, especially after waiting for him for nearly FIVE YEARS. We almost gave up and missed him completely. Below is the email I sent out to friends and family on 5/31/2018. I am so glad I saved every precious word. Enjoy our first sprinkle of encouragement!

my first email home (5/31/2018)

It is almost 6am in Cincinnati, but only 3am here in California. I cannot sleep at all. And so, I am stealing a rare moment to myself to (1) send out an “official” update and (2) make you aware of an urgent prayer need. Thank you for showing me grace about a group email instead of a more personal text, message or call. There just isn’t time and everything is moving at lightning speed.

drop everything and FLY

Allan and I left everything (and everybody) in Ohio and flew to Sacramento yesterday to meet the little guy pictured below. He was born on 05/29/2018 in the afternoon – 6lb 5.5 oz. He had some early struggles. So, the medical team transferred him quickly to a larger hospital with a NICU. The NICU nurse took this photo within an hour of us meeting Luke for the first time.

His birthmom has asked us to name him, so “Baby Boy K” is now “Luke Holderby” (middle name TBD). Luke means light giving. That is what I’m going to speak over his sweet little soul for the rest of my life. “Luke” also hints at “Skywalker”, which Allan assures me has nothing to do with our choice of name. I’m not sure I entirely believe him.

a view from the NICU

Luke (not Skywalker) was born in some distress and originally needed a little help from a c-pap to breathe efficiently. He quickly weaned off the machine, and he is holding his own on room air. He is also now able to maintain his own body temperature. So, he got promoted to a regular NICU bed last night before we left the hospital. He is on IV antibiotics as a precaution as well as IV fluids. The doctor will hopefully discontinue Luke’s IV today (5/31) – all the tubes are bigger than his little wrist. He is not yet eating by mouth – he is too sleepy around the clock to effectively suck/swallow. So, he has a teeny little nose tube for tube feedings. His other end is working gloriously! He had a total diaper blowout all over Allan yesterday and then I swear smiled about it.

Will you please pray for Luke, his birthmom, the NICU team, the adoption professionals, and us? As I am sure you can imagine, this is a delicate and emotional process for everybody.

red tape slows the process

We especially need God’s provision to fall out of the sky in miracle fashion. Red tape is bogging down our financial resources for paying the attorney and the social worker in California. Needless to say, they don’t work if they haven’t been paid. As a result, we need the funds NOW. Specifically pray that a $3,200 miracle shows up by the end of the business day today (5/31). That is not the entire sum, but that is the desperate immediate need in the next twelve hours to move this process forward.

Thank you for being a part of our journey. Meeting Luke for the first time has been a miracle in itself. We are exhausted and overwhelmed and so very happy all at the same time. We literally are taking everything one hour at a time. Once we break through the financial red tape, the road opens up a little wider for us. And then Luke can get clearance to return to Ohio to await adoption finalization as a Holderby.

Boldly pray this up, okay?
We love you guys!

Melissa

Tune in on December 6th for the answer to bold prayers and our adventure meeting Luke’s birth mom for the very first time.

Featured image by Rainer Maiores from Pixabay.

Sprinkles of encouragement for December.

by Melissa Holderby on Nov 27, 2019 category Christmas, Our adoption journey

We are busily preparing some sprinkles of encouragement for you for December. Think of it as our plate of homemade holiday cookies to you. Let’s start off with our recipe (plan) for doing that. I like to know what’s coming next, don’t you?

Every December is typically chock full of extra things on our calendars. Holiday parties. Shopping. Baking. School events. Relatives we rarely see. Increased volunteering opportunities. Making our lists and checking them twice.

All positive things for us, hopefully. Sometimes not. December can also mean squeezed budgets. Too much sugar. Too little sleep. Increased end of the year demands at work. Separation from loved ones. Loneliness.

Good, bad or neutral, this last month of the calendar year still often means extra pressure. So, we thought we’d open up part of our family’s story to you that many have never seen or heard. In other words, we want to offer you some sprinkles of encouragement in December.

six sprinkles

Our youngest son – Luke – joined our family through open adoption. When he was born in California, we dropped everything and went. He came as a sweet surprise after a very long wait. A four and a half year wait to be exact. When the sudden phone call came announcing our adoption placement match with Luke, I almost sprinted the 2,300 road miles to get to him. However, Allan wisely suggested we take a plane. Turns out the distance by air is only 1,988 miles. So, I guess Allan had the more reasonable reaction.

Speaking of air travel, gate B17 at our outbound airport held a very meaningful surprise, which we will tell you about in this series. Stay tuned for sprinkle #4 on December 16th titled, “the sparrow and the surfer dude“. It’s probably my favorite sprinkle of all.

I wrote six email updates home from Sacramento covering the ten days we were in California. Those emails cover some wildly miraculous events. And I do mean WILD. We will share those with you publicly throughout the next month beginning this coming Sunday. Six emails means six December blog posts. In other words, six “sprinkled cookies” of encouragement from us to you. Our first cookie comes out of the oven on December 1st. We hope you enjoy it and the sweetness that follows!

All of us here at the thankful bee sincerely wish you hope, joy and humor this holiday season. Be encouraged!

Featured image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay.

Hello, and welcome to the thankful bee.

by Melissa Holderby on Nov 27, 2019 category Uncategorized

Hello, and welcome to the thankful bee. I am so excited you are here! I’d love to explain a little more about who we are and why we created this blog.

I have dreamed for a long time about authoring to encourage and uplift. What we see and hear every day often tempts us to believe that hatred and harm control the world. And, perhaps even more sadly, that we are powerless to influence any of it. True, negative information and images seem to constantly bombard us. Also true that it can all be overwhelming. However, writing is one of my weapons to fight against that. I find it helpful to use words as a weapon against hopelessness.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t have a naive, rose-colored view of life. Any of us could justifiably claim that the world is harsh and life is unfair. I personally know folks who bitterly exist. Defeated. Overwhelmed. My own family has lived through some pretty ugly stuff. And no doubt will again in the future. But I don’t believe we were meant to live in darkness. The thankful bee was created to shine some light.

wired to see grace and goodness

What if we were openly vulnerable with each other about our messes and mistakes? Imagine if we listened to truly understand. Or if we disagreed without attacking? The world would certainly be more hopeful, more genuine and more connected. My Creator wired me to see the grace and goodness in things – even the very hard things. It is not always easy, and I often need a nudge. In other words, the thankful bee is a place for me to remind myself as much as to encourage the rest of us.

So, I’ll say it again. Hello, and welcome to the thankful bee. Consider our blog a place to exhale, recharge and maybe even laugh a little. A small light of encouragement we can all share. We are happy you are here.

Featured image by Wadley Photography.